I need to finish this post by today because I want to post this on today’s significant date.. Do you know what date it is today? 09.09.09! I only realized this when I saw a news feature about this baby being born at 9.09am today and the following story on thousands of couples getting married today…
For those of you who don’t know the significance of this date to us Chinese people, 9 in Chinese/Cantonese is hononymous (sounds like) with the word “long (lasting)”.. It’s typically considered a romantic number to symbolise longevity of relationships.. People get married on dates with 9 in them or give token red packets in denominations of 9 as a “hope” that their relationship will last forever. Roses are also given in 9, 99 or 999.. There’s even a song called 999 roses..
9999999999999999999999 roses...
On a side note, Singapore’s emergency number to dial for the police is 999.. Does it mean it’ll take them forever to get to you? hmm..
Anyway, I thought it would be a good opener for a topic that I’d wanted to blog about for EVER (hey, 99!)..
I believe many people here know of the concept of The One. It’s a concept commonly explored in chick lit novels, situational comedies, glossy magazines and many more.. In fact, so many people believe in this concept that they actually question themselves before they get into a relationship on whether their potential partner is, indeed, The One.
Just a quick search on google turns out so many different results on finding out if he’s The One..
I think I might even have bought into this concept for awhile when I was younger. Now, disillusioned as I am, I completely disagree with the idea that there is ONE perfect person out there for each person. I think reading so many chick lits and magazines has caused many many women to have highly unrealistic expectations of what men should be like.
I concede, I am one of those girls. I’d like a man who’s manly, assertive, funny, intelligent, smart, sexy etc.. (In other words, 许毅源from《光阴的故事》 but more on that later..) I know, however, that such a person is nearly impossible to find. And even if I were to find someone like that, chances are someone else has already landed him.
So while I believe that there’s no way I can find someone like that, I do believe, however, that there are imperfect people out there that will soon grow into people who possess such qualities that make girls fall in love. I believe that love is a matter of timing. If two people are looking for the same thing at the same time, that’s when things work out for them. However, if a girl finds a perfect boy but the boy is not looking for anything serious at the moment, or if a boy finds the perfect girl but the girl finds him too immature, then things aren’t going to work out for them.
The previous two examples were real-life examples of people I know. In both cases, they’ve found other people they love and are in committed relationships right now.
To me, love is a concoction of variables such as attitude, timing and compatibility. You need the right attitude/mentality towards a committed relationship to be in one. The timing is essential to ensure you’re both at the right place. Compatibility needs no explanation, you definitely need to be compatible in most ways to have a long-lasting relationship.
These things don’t come about all of a sudden. That’s why I don’t believe in concepts such as “Love at first sight” or cheesy crap like “You had me at hello”. Those things can only be seen in movies and they belong there. The One also doesn’t exist. Anyone can be The One if you give them a chance and work at your relationship.
If you keep looking for The One, you might miss out The Ones with a Chance, or The MaybeThisCouldWorkOut One. I don’t think we really fall in love. We grow in love.
My msn nick for today is “if I find a boyfriend today (09 09 09) then I’ll believe in the concept of “The One’. Otherwise, no such thing, people!!!”
There’s half an hour left to the end of the day. If something miraculous happens by then, maybe I’ll change my viewpoint (because it would be truly magical for anything to happen lol) Otherwise, I just want everyone to open their eyes to the opportunities around them. I’m not saying give up hope on love, I’m saying look around. It might be somewhere you never looked. Or even right in front of your eyes!
Man I sound like a chick lit or a magazine columnist. Anyhoo, happy 090909 all!
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Great post! I agree. I don’t think there’s one person out there for each of us; there are many people who could end up right for us if we give it a chance. Even if you are interested in someone upon first meeting them, a relationship only works with time and effort.
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chervalier Reply:
September 11th, 2009 at 12:30 am
exactly what i’m trying to say. thanks for putting it so succinctly! =D
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I don’t think that everyone has a soul mate. I also think that there may be more than one person who’s “The One”. People change; somebody may be perfect for you at one point, but you change and grow apart and then someone who’s more like the new you comes along. You can’t blame anyone for this, and it’s not like you or the other person was a jerk. You just aren’t right for each other anymore. It happens.
I definitely agree that you can’t just expect a relationship to fall into place. ANY relationship (including friendships and your relationship with family members) involves effort and compromising. That said, you aren’t compatible with everyone. I think the concept of “the one” is the person who you could conceivably spend the rest of your life with, who you’re willing to compromise with, who makes you willing to put in a conscious effort. And, I guess, “the one” is the person who is willing to do all that for you, and who makes it feel GOOD to put in the effort.
/rambly comment is rambly.
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chervalier Reply:
September 11th, 2009 at 12:32 am
haha it’s alright, i love the rambly comments!!
it’s great that you pointed out that it could be ANY relationship that could work out. I never thought about relationships between friends and family that way before and it’s all being seen in a new light, I assure you.
I think “The One”, as you’ve described here, emerges after a long time of understanding each other and working things out and knowing that you can tolerate (yes, tolerate) each other for the rest of your lives.. Haha.
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Huh, I didn’t know about the whole Chinese 9 thing. I only knew about the obsession with 8
It’s my dad’s birthday today; that’s the only reason this day is special for me.
I don’t think there is specifically a “The One”, but there are MANY people out there that have the same personalities or same interests (or different ones if you believe that opposites attract…but again, that’s mostly in chick lit) that could potentially have a great relationship and end up being “The One”.
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chervalier Reply:
September 11th, 2009 at 12:34 am
awww your dad’s gonna live long, then! that’s according to Chinese superstition, of course =)
See, since there are so many people that have the chance of “clicking” with any one person, there isn’t one specific “The One” that we should wait for. But I like the words you used.. “end up being The One”.. With focus on the words “end up”.. It’s through a process, I believe, that The One might emerge. =)
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Was this in the news yesterday? I think my mum told me about it but I didn’t bother reading. I don’t believe getting married on this day will bring about eternal happiness *sarcastic* but I do believe that mutual understanding and compromise would. That’s how I feel anyway. 999 usually acts pretty quickly. I think 995 is kind of slow at times.
Okay, back to the topic. I don’t believe that there is this “the one” for everyone out there. I think “the one” can always change. I believe each one of us will grow up, we will mature and our thinking changes as well. “the one” when I’m 20 may not be “the one” when I’m 28
There are many “the ones” out there just which one you choose, and which one is ready to change and compromise for you.
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chervalier Reply:
September 11th, 2009 at 12:36 am
yea it was in the news! haha. Yea i agree about mutual understanding and compromise! With reference to Vickie’s comment below, I think I agree now that 999 is a pretty good number for the police since it sounds like “Save/Help!”.. And 995 sounds like “Save me! (jiu4 jiu4 wo3!)” haha.
I don’t know about the speed of 995 lol. Never tried it before *heng*
And glad you agree about “The One”! =D
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999 is also the emergency number for Hong Kong. In Taiwanese versions of MMORPG, we’d also say 99999999 when we need someone’s urgent help because it sounds like “help help help help help help” (in Mandarin anyway, but Hong Kongers are very versatile).
As for whether I believe in “The One”? I don’t exactly. I do believe in “the one I chose”, however.
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chervalier Reply:
September 11th, 2009 at 12:36 am
HEY! that’s a great reminder! Now that I come to think of it, 999 does make sense then! Haha. I think Cantonese and Chinese sound a lot the same so it doesn’t matter, haha.
I think “The One (you) Chose” is a great concept =) Rock on!
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*grins* You know I don’t believe that there is “The One” for everyone too, right?
Chick lit novels and films sell romance. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with enjoying those and even believing in it ^^ I think it’s good if people keep a bit of romance and optimism in their lives. The point when it gets to be too much is when one starts giving up potential relationships because of minor things that mean that “he’s not the one” for them.
I do however think that we fall in love, but maybe “love” isn’t the right word – maybe passion would be more appropriate. We all know it – we call it the “honeymoon period” of a relationship. I think it’s how the relationship develops after this period that really tests if you and your partner can make things work in the long run.
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chervalier Reply:
September 11th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
hello! don’t put “your bf” can? you scared the crap outta me I was like, WHAT?!! haha then i saw your email add and I was like ohhhhh.. Haha.
Let’s not scare away any potential boyfriends of mine ok. BF = Best Friend = Val haha
yea i agree about keeping the romance and optimism.. I don’t think it’s wrong to suspend disbelief for movies and stuff but reality is kinda different! haha.
and yea about making things work in the long run.. that’s important. Haha.
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Me. (your bf) Reply:
September 15th, 2009 at 6:28 pm
Hahaha I know you’ll freak out for a moment that’s why I chose this nickname. XD XD XD XD Hahahahaha!!! ;p
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chervalier Reply:
September 15th, 2009 at 10:26 pm
YOU BEYATCH!
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Hi! You have such a wonderful blog!! Got here thru Dayna
Wow I didn’t know about the 9 even if I’m Chinese XD I’m Hokkien though and not Cantonese so I don’t know how to say 9 in Cantonese. haha 
I agree with you about “The One”. It is a matter of timing. But I still wish, that someone is really there for you…. such a dreamer me.. haha lolz!
Good luck to both of us!
tc now!
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chervalier Reply:
September 12th, 2009 at 11:15 pm
wow haha thanks for visiting my blog! =)
9 in Cantonese is “gao” haha. I think in Hokkien it’s also similar?
Dreaming is good, it gives us hope! Haha but I guess we need to be realistic at times? heh. you tc too! Hope to see you on my blog again! =D
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Greatings, Where are you from? Is it a secret?
Thanks
Zoran
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you forgot one variable — mother-s..
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chervalier Reply:
September 14th, 2009 at 9:21 pm
lol that’s true… there are always external factors that shd be taken into consideration and that contributes to my point about The One being totally improbable.. Combination of compatible factors..
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