so this is another post I’ve wanted to write in awhile.. Lol.. What’s with me and all the relationship-themed posts lately!?!? No idea, though I think it might be because I’m utterly HOPELESS when it comes to figuring guys out. They say girls are the more complex gender… I think guys are pretty complex too!
actually, wait.. I think guys aren’t TOO complex.. We girls just tend to think too much.. hehe ^^ ANYHOW. The need for this post came about because well, I needed some answers quite awhile back (I think since like, a few years ago lol) regarding this issue and when I recently googled What Is A Date?, I didn’t get very satisfying/conclusive answers..
Many people on Yahoo Answers mentioned that it’s when two people go out to spend time together, with the promise of sex afterwards.. Yea that won’t quite fly in Singapore’s society.. At least, not for ALL dates and not openly.. Then when I was discussing with a friend about whether or not I was dating someone, he asked whether or not the person in question did a bunch of stuff which sounded like a checklist of things..
Apparently the things that happen during a date include some of these (according to that friend of mine, and this was in the States so there may be cultural differences..) :
- The guy pays for the food and whatever else you choose to do
- He picks you up and sends you home
- to be honest I can’t remember what else lol.. this happened awhile back.. some time last year.. don’t blame me!
Mmm.. See there are many points of contention regarding any definition of a date. Some people can go dutch on a date and STILL call it a date. Other times, it might not be practical for either party to send/see the other home so it doesn’t happen. Technically, a date is when 2 people meet up and spend time together. That’s it. But if that’s it, then well, most of us would be dating a lot of our friends.
A romantic date can’t just be defined by 2 people going out/making an arrangement to meet up (and maybe stay in).. There’s a lot to define and many different variables to consider. Of course, you can get all pissy on me and say it needs no definition etc but well, confused and relationship(ly)-impaired people like MOI need help understanding all this crap.
I would love to list some examples of confusing date-type-things I’ve been on and have you all decide if they are but dates…. But it would mean letting a lot of people (er not a LOT but some.. haha) know that I’m confused by my outings with them haha. See, when it’s with a close friend, you know for sure it ain’t a romantic date. I go out with my really good guy friends all the time without having to wonder if they are dates because it doesn’t matter. With someone that matters though, that’s when u start getting all confused and nitpicky. Haha.
Whatever it is, I’ve reached a definite conclusion. I will now term every single time I’m out with a person as an OUTING. I will only consider it a date (meaning romantic date) if and only if:
- The person asking makes it clear that it’s a date. Meaning, when he asks me out, it includes the following statement, “Would you like to go on a date with me?” or other variations of the same. It must include the word date
- OR
- I ask the person if it’s a date and he agrees it is. AGREES. NO HEDGING. No qualifiers like, “maybe”, “probably” or “perhaps” type words. HELLO? It takes me a certain amount of courage to even ASK if it’s a date ok. I’m usually extremely reticent about such things. (My friends would know)
- OR
- During the outing, he makes obvious gestures such as buying me flowers(which really, I don’t like but it’s obvious..), holding my hand (for an extended period of time and away from roads and traffic lights), or uh, saying obvious things like I like you (?) lol.
Now, using the above criteria, I can now safely say “I HAVE NOT EVER BEEN ON A (ROMANTIC) DATE!” woots. haha. I HAVE, however, rejected going out on obvious romantic dates with people I obviously don’t like.. That’s another story for another time, though.
I think based on the above, I am likely not going to get asked out in a loong loooooong time… HAHA. If I do though, and if I agree to it, then I say, that must be something special indeed. haha =)
What say you, readers? Agree with my arguments/criteria? Anything to add? Dating horror stories? COMMENT AWAY =)
Popularity: 16% [?]
My definition of a date is when the person ask “Do you want to go out on a date with me?”. I will also think that if he ask “Do you wish to watch a movie with me?”, it’s also considered a date. You know sometimes when a guy ask me out for movies or dinner (only me and no one else), I will jokingly ask “Is that a date?”. Well, if he says no then it’s not. If he say Yes seriously then I think he is seriously asking you out on a date. Romantic one I mean.
I have to admit before dating Chewy, I haven’t been on a romantic date either!
[Reply]
chervalier Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
@Dayna,
haha yea i won’t consider “Do you wish to watch a movie with me?” a date.. Lol. In my very simple mind, that’s just going out as friends to watch a movie mah.. Haha. I’ve only asked if it’s a date ONCE and uhh the person gave an ambiguous response which i totally HATE. haha.
amazing! i’m glad for you that you’ve got your bf now =) You guys are the cutest! =D
[Reply]
Lol, oh Cher. This is so you and I so expected this! HAHAHAHA <33
[Reply]
chervalier Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
@vw.,
what can i say? it’s not like i haven’t asked this question of you like at least 45678998765432 times.. You so know it was coming anyways =D
[Reply]
I know you mean romantic dates, but there are so many ways to use the word “date” nowadays — you can use it facetiously, and you can use it for hanging out with friends (e.g. “When are we having that gym/Starbucks/*insert hangout place here* date?”). But yeah, anyway, I would say it’s a date if both people agree that it is, and oftentimes (especially if you’re old-fashioned, which I kinda am) the guy asks, takes you, and pays for everything (at least on the first date(s)).
[Reply]
chervalier Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
@Meg,
agreed that it’s used so loosely nowadays!
I like the old-fashioned definition anyway =D Uh wait so if the guy asks, takes you (i don’t really understand this part) and pays for everything on the first time you’re out together just the 2 of you, it’s a date? That’s interesting.. I’ve to reconsider some outings then.. HAHA.
[Reply]
I think a more casual way of asking where I live is “Wanna go out with me?” and the fact that it’s a date is left unsaid. When my boyfriend asked me out he said something along the lines of “so.. wanna go out on a real date?” since we had gone to the movies a couple of times before. I think it’s always key to verify that it is one so that there aren’t any misunderstandings… ’cause that can get embarrassing!
[Reply]
chervalier Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
@Regina,
i agree that verification is important!! sometimes people hedge though so that gets annoying. haha.
yea i think there are a lot of variations of asking people out on dates but I’m just gonna be insistent that unless the word ‘date’ is used, I’m gonna take it as a casual outing. Even if it’s worded like, “Can I take you out to dinner?” (although this is kinda obvious lol), I will still take it as a normal outing.
It HAS to be “Can I take you out on a date?” or nothing. hehe
[Reply]
Another fun post dear!! Haha I am too confused and so inexperienced with relationships. I think I’ll die an old maid but I hope not! XD haha!! Same with you, he has to really confirm that it’s a date and he does romantic things of course. The definition with the promise of sex is probably a Western definition! haha! I’ve also rejected some people… haha! I think just 3 days ago but he asked OVER ONLINE. Come on, maybe he was just kidding or what. haha! And I guess it constitutes as a date IF the person likes this other person other than friendship. Yeah
haha!
[Reply]
tiff k Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 8:53 pm
@tiff k, I emailed ya by the way here cherlynn@chervalier.org,
haha! PLS READDD! XD
[Reply]
chervalier Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
@tiff k,
haha i saw it and replied! OMG what a pleasant surprise!!!! =D =D =D i’m gonna set up a paypal account just for this =))))) heh. LOVE YA <3
[Reply]
chervalier Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
@tiff k,
haha what you’ve said is true! The YahooAnswers definition is definitely a more Western one =) I think both parties need to be mutually interested in each other for it to be considered a date, or else it’d be a bit sad one-sided.. heh.
I’m so tempted to hold mini blog contests thanks to you and Dayna now! haha <3 you guys!
[Reply]