chervalier

like i’ve warned y’all.. this is gonna be a semi-emo post!

i’ve kinda wanted to post this for some time coz i realized something pretty funky. uh yea. but never really had the time to (between all the vlogging and panicking for work) so I kinda have an hour of free time right now and decided to use this time to blog!

on my way here (i’m at my aunt’s salon), I stupidly cried again coz my parents were quarreling (again) thanks to some stupid logistics issue that i don’t even want to talk about right now.. ugh. and so I was feeling kinda down when I got here but i cheered up immediately at the sight of the ubercute YANGSTER in his mom’s office playing on the computer =)

seriously all it takes is a big hug and an “I love you” from that boy and I feel tonnes better.

but anyhoo, that bit about crying was exactly what i wanted to blog about. I’ve been crazily emotional lately and I don’t know why! Seriously, I’ve been crying at the slightest trigger. I think something’s really wrong with my hormones.

I’ve cried more this December 2009 (and whatever days of January 2010 so far) than I’ve cried in the whole of 2009 put together. I would have said it’s the most I’ve cried in 3 years but I have to take into account the large amounts of crying I did in 2008 – what with leaving Singapore for the States and then leaving the States for Singapore.. LOL.

And this is the thing: I’m not such a weak person. At least, I don’t believe I am. I’m not the kind of person who cries at everything (movies and tv shows aside because ok I’ll admit I cry super easily at those). And I’m seriously despising myself right now for crying so much. It’s like I’m on emotional tenterhooks and it’s annoying.

When the first (what i call) “stupid crying for no reason” incident occured, I put it down to hormonal imbalance because I was pre-menstrual. It was mid-December and I was flying off to Penang but well, some of my stuff (basically facial foam and vaseline) were confiscated, leading to my mom sort-of telling me off and lots of unnecessary humiliation. So for no reason the tears started flowing and then the sobs followed. (EMBARASSING. At one point I was shaking my head at myself wondering what on earth I was crying about. )

From then on it was as if the tap was not closed tightly enough and the pipes were leaking or something. I’d cry at almost anything. It’s very retarded, really.

Another time when I cried without being able to control it was on the way to the hospital and in the hospital when they were taking my blood. I cried all the way from the time they mentioned “blood test” till I was taking my x-ray (about a whole half hour to 45mins.. ><) WHY AM I SUCH A WEAKLING omg.

Of course, there were more incidents but those were a bit more reasonable (as in I understand why I was crying lol).. Yea..

I’ve since come to a conclusion about all this retarded crying. It’s because I’ve stopped doing something I used to do on a daily basis. I’ve stopped watching comedies on a daily basis. Lol. My life everyday used to consist of at least 2 hours of watching Friends / South Park / Family Guy / the Simpsons / Ellen / etc online.. For some reason I stopped doing that and I think it’s causing some kind of deficit in my body.

Since I don’t want to be a blubbering mess all the time, I’m gonna go back to devoting 2hrs a day to watching comedies and cartoons. And of course, I’ve found vlogging to be pretty awesome in engaging my attention so yea.

What other methods do you suggest? =)

PS: The yangster is singing Fireflies by Owl City non-stop right now. Off-key and the lyrics are totally wrong. But he warms my heart and he’s cuddly =) I love how stealing some family time (extended family with my cuzzies, I mean) always makes me feel better no matter what.

Till the next time, toodles~

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