Life is one great lapdance. No… Wait.. That’s the beginning of some other blog entry.. =P What I meant to say was something I’ve come to realize (as usual) about us.
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We want the lapdance
If we were all truly honest with ourselves, we’d recognize that all of us somehow hope that good things in life would simply fall onto our laps, kinda like a lapdance of all the things we want. Sadly, this only happens for all of 1% of the people in the world (I USED A STATISTIC! I am (in)credible!!) so the remaining 99% of us are.. fucked..?
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This is a graph. I am ultimate winzez.
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Just over the past few days/weeks, I’ve had random bouts of contemplation, thinking about what my life COULD be. It seems there are two lives for everyone – the life they COULD be leading, and the life they actually lead. I think about the former often enough, and in that life, everything seems perfect and wonderful and I’d wonder why the hell am I not leading that life.
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I’d always think that if I really tried, I could be doing everything I wanted to. Be a fashion magazine editor, work in an upscale environment (maybe New York? =)), see important people everyday, mingle with VIPs, become a world-famous singer, model (no thanks to my recent ANTM marathons), actress, Broadway star, etc..! Yet despite having all these dreams, I have never actively tried to achieve them. I’m simply sitting around, making the slightest effort to perform, search for opportunities, then sit around waiting for Life to perform its lapdance for me. There isn’t enough of the carpe diem mentality in me to prod me to do better. Secretly, I wish someone who knows me will find me some amazing opportunity and recommend me to try it and tra~la! My amazing journey will begin!
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"Thank you Lord, for mommy and daddy.."
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Count your blessings..
Granted, many would argue that the life I lead now is pretty perfect in many ways already, and I agree. In many ways my life is extraordinary and there are so many blessings to give thanks for. I also know that there are many MANY people out there who wish to live my life (oh trust me, I know) and oh how they get on my nerves lol. It is probably this knowledge that makes me so content to sit on my ass and be happy with the life I’m leading.
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As I’ve been discussing with a friend the past few days, I believe I have a pretty strong coping mechanism that helps me get over rough times pretty well. Because of this, I find myself very thankful most of the time and not really in a situation where i “want” a lot. This mentality and ability to give thanks is one of the reasons why I’m not leading an even more fulfilling life.
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Afraid to try
Another reason why we don’t go all out to go for the life we want is that we’re afraid of trying and then failing. At least, that’s probably true for me. I’m afraid of or discouraged by failing. When I don’t get a response after trying, I get discouraged and disheartened. I slowly lose hope and my coping mechanism turns itself on (not that way!), helping me feel better about my life at its present situation.
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And so, thanks to all this and the recent revelation that there’s a lot more I want from life, I’m starting to feel kinda stuck in a rut. I’ve had so many wild ideas that I’ve been “sure will get me noticed and rocket me to fame and fortune”.. What crazy dreams and wild fantasies I’ve entertained of going to The Ellen Show and getting talent spotted (for I dunno, picking my nose or amazing breathing skillZ)… Or of running into Tyra Banks on the streets while strutting my stuff (yea when she’s in Singapore of course)..
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I know I should tell myself to stop waiting for the lapdance and just grab my chances by the balls (what an amazing metaphor this is turning out to be) but it feels so impossible to me that I don’t even want to try..! What do you think? Have you ever regretted not trying anything? Is it better to have given it your best than to sit around wondering what could have been? The answer seems to be “YES” but it’s a lot easier said than done.
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Maybe I’m just plain lazy. Ohwells. Also, I know I spelt “lap dance” as “lapdance” throughout. It was deliberate. Sssh. CIAO ALL and till the next time, take care =)
PS: Special mention to Yarn, for her awesome interpretation of the gibberish in my MSN nickname. It was simply AWESOME.
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