Life is one great lapdance. No… Wait.. That’s the beginning of some other blog entry.. =P What I meant to say was something I’ve come to realize (as usual) about us.
.
We want the lapdance
If we were all truly honest with ourselves, we’d recognize that all of us somehow hope that good things in life would simply fall onto our laps, kinda like a lapdance of all the things we want. Sadly, this only happens for all of 1% of the people in the world (I USED A STATISTIC! I am (in)credible!!) so the remaining 99% of us are.. fucked..?
.
This is a graph. I am ultimate winzez.
.
Just over the past few days/weeks, I’ve had random bouts of contemplation, thinking about what my life COULD be. It seems there are two lives for everyone – the life they COULD be leading, and the life they actually lead. I think about the former often enough, and in that life, everything seems perfect and wonderful and I’d wonder why the hell am I not leading that life.
.
.
I’d always think that if I really tried, I could be doing everything I wanted to. Be a fashion magazine editor, work in an upscale environment (maybe New York? =)), see important people everyday, mingle with VIPs, become a world-famous singer, model (no thanks to my recent ANTM marathons), actress, Broadway star, etc..! Yet despite having all these dreams, I have never actively tried to achieve them. I’m simply sitting around, making the slightest effort to perform, search for opportunities, then sit around waiting for Life to perform its lapdance for me. There isn’t enough of the carpe diem mentality in me to prod me to do better. Secretly, I wish someone who knows me will find me some amazing opportunity and recommend me to try it and tra~la! My amazing journey will begin!
.
"Thank you Lord, for mommy and daddy.."
.
Count your blessings..
Granted, many would argue that the life I lead now is pretty perfect in many ways already, and I agree. In many ways my life is extraordinary and there are so many blessings to give thanks for. I also know that there are many MANY people out there who wish to live my life (oh trust me, I know) and oh how they get on my nerves lol. It is probably this knowledge that makes me so content to sit on my ass and be happy with the life I’m leading.
.
As I’ve been discussing with a friend the past few days, I believe I have a pretty strong coping mechanism that helps me get over rough times pretty well. Because of this, I find myself very thankful most of the time and not really in a situation where i “want” a lot. This mentality and ability to give thanks is one of the reasons why I’m not leading an even more fulfilling life.
.
.
Afraid to try
Another reason why we don’t go all out to go for the life we want is that we’re afraid of trying and then failing. At least, that’s probably true for me. I’m afraid of or discouraged by failing. When I don’t get a response after trying, I get discouraged and disheartened. I slowly lose hope and my coping mechanism turns itself on (not that way!), helping me feel better about my life at its present situation.
.
And so, thanks to all this and the recent revelation that there’s a lot more I want from life, I’m starting to feel kinda stuck in a rut. I’ve had so many wild ideas that I’ve been “sure will get me noticed and rocket me to fame and fortune”.. What crazy dreams and wild fantasies I’ve entertained of going to The Ellen Show and getting talent spotted (for I dunno, picking my nose or amazing breathing skillZ)… Or of running into Tyra Banks on the streets while strutting my stuff (yea when she’s in Singapore of course)..
.
I know I should tell myself to stop waiting for the lapdance and just grab my chances by the balls (what an amazing metaphor this is turning out to be) but it feels so impossible to me that I don’t even want to try..! What do you think? Have you ever regretted not trying anything? Is it better to have given it your best than to sit around wondering what could have been? The answer seems to be “YES” but it’s a lot easier said than done.
.
Maybe I’m just plain lazy. Ohwells. Also, I know I spelt “lap dance” as “lapdance” throughout. It was deliberate. Sssh. CIAO ALL and till the next time, take care =)
PS: Special mention to Yarn, for her awesome interpretation of the gibberish in my MSN nickname. It was simply AWESOME.
Popularity: 30% [?]
Wow, this is an unusually revealing and reflective post, and I’m feeling guilty coz it seems I’m the one who caused you to start mulling over all this. BUT it’s a good thing as apparently, you finally know how I’m feeling.
I’m probably more motivated to try and find something that I really want because I’m stuck in a less than fulfilling job, and what you’ve been advising me is to count my blessings and sorta just ignore it. And you’re NOT wrong at all. As for you, I wouldn’t say that you’re lazy – it’s more like you’re comfortable with the stability and simplicity of what you already have now. You do have people who have given you opportunities to follow your dreams, but these are small steps and as you admitted, you need to do more. Are you willing to sacrifice (some, not all) comfort to go for more?
I seriously recommend that you read The 4-Hour Workweek, because it has been a great source of motivation and more importantly, encouragement to me. Failing is not something to fear because the worst-case scenario, when you really think about it in terms of life satisfaction, is not much different than if you don’t try.
Anyways, thanks for making me see the positive side of my lousy coping mechanism x)
[Reply]
chervalier Reply:
May 27th, 2010 at 12:44 am
@hazynite,
hehe. well i think it’s not so much a matter of fearing failure now as it is a matter of not knowing how much or how badly I want that which I think I want.
hahaha you and your 4HWW… I’m lazy to read it..? hahhaha. crap.
Guess I’m a person who’s easily contented =)
[Reply]
I really enjoyed reading this today. I think having the ability to be content with what you already have is a blessing. I know there’s happiness to be found in striving for a better life. Hard work and ambition can push you towards realising your dreams and having a ‘perfect’ life but there’s a point where that work becomes more hassle than it’s worth. Sometimes things just don’t work out no matter how hard you work. It’s all about finding a good balance. If you’re throwing all your energy into chasing a dream and never getting any closer to it, that’s spirit crushing and leads to misery but perfect lives don’t just drop out of the sky. If you want something, you’ll probably have to work for it and take some chances. If you don’t put out any effort to get it, you’ll only regret that at some point. Regrets are the worst.
I reckon, once you have the basics sorted, it’s best to relax and be happy with what you have. The luckiest people around are the ones who can fully appreciate all the good things they already have and be content, while still moving on and working towards something better. Whether it’s a fitness goal or a pay rise, or learning a new skill. Sometimes I need a reminder of how lucky I am. There are constant pressures to have the newest gadget or to keep up with the latest fashion and I think, as fun as it sometimes, daydreaming about how much better your life could be is a little unfair on yourself. Everything in that life seems perfect and wonderful and you can’t help wondering, how come you don’t have that life? Who’s to blame? That’s bitter and negative. Leads to making excuses or being hard on yourself. Having people around you who envy what you have definitely makes things more comfortable, it eases off some of the pressure to succeed.
I might have to read the 4 hour work week myself. Just finished the 80/20 principle which sounds similar, it’s about how generally 20% of the effort a person gives at work generates 80% of their productivity, rewards, etc. but then that same person spends 80% of their time and effort slogging for just 20% worth of results. The idea is to pinpoint what you’re good at, the 20% effort, and do those bits more. Actually, the 80/20 maths stuff confused me a lot, it gave me a bit of a headache.
Ahh, I’ve probably rambled a fair bit… Sorry. :-p
[Reply]
Hey babe ~ you know we already kinda discussed this the other day, where surprisesurprise! we both blogged around the same time about the same issue
I totally understand what you mean about really going for something that you think will make your life more worthwhile, but at the same time ~ being rather content to live your life as it is. I think my life is at a rather crucial point right now ~ and I’m really hoping things will go the way I want them to. Keep your fingers crossed and pray for me, babe?
[Reply]
chervalier Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 2:42 pm
@Valerie,
definitely, love. =)
[Reply]
Mann it’s been such a long time since I visited! *kills self* Sorry Cherlaa gyaackk so sorry! >:D< But I do like this post indeed! I feel similar too, I mean i'm just waiting for a lapdance too (lOL at your term, it's so funny XD) and I'm just sitting on my butt. I think that you should add resources, family too in the list of why we can't fulfill some of our dreams. It's easier to do things when you have money (in my opinion) and when your family is not against you but it'll be cooler if you did achieve it despite all these things. I agree with being afraid of failing because that's really one of the main reasons why we're not doing anything.
But I hope I'll suddenly realize the urgency of the situation and just do what I hope to become. You can do it too dear! We better get out of this trance and go on with life! hahaha XD
[Reply]
chervalier Reply:
June 2nd, 2010 at 7:56 pm
@tiff k,
HON! found your post sitting in my spam box!! Akismet thinks u’re spam!! >< anyhoo thankyou love, I do agree that family and resources are important factors as well..! let’s try our best together =)
[Reply]
did my post disappear??
[Reply]
chervalier Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 2:40 pm
hey hon, maybe!! i didn’t see it and i definitely don’t see it in here either..! it’s not on my cp!
[Reply]
Great post. I attempted suicide three years ago and almost completed the act — I was told three months after the attempt that I lost my pulse. I won’t lie and say that I was enthusiastic about living my life or even cared to do so, but even before I learned about how close my attempt actually was I begin to feel an urge to both start living my life AND to live the type of life I want to live.
It took a long time for me to get the courage to go forward with my dreams and plans — I was dogged by feeling that I didn’t deserve a rewarding life or that no matter how hard I tried that I would never get it, that if others were disappointed in me or scared of me that I wasn’t fit to live. And you know what? Eventually I realized that for the bullshit it is.
One of the few rights we have in this world is the right to live our life however we want to live, despite what we’re being told, despite how the people around us react, and in spite of anything others have to say about us. Because you know what? IT’S YOUR LIFE. Anyone who may judge you or try to stop you, it’s not their life. It’s a hard lesson to learn, especially when one of the fundamental mistruths present in society is that you owe your life to everyone else first, but if you’re serious about surviving and of having the life you want, this knowledge will definitely kick in sooner or later.
Good luck in everything you wish to achieve.
[Reply]
chervalier Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 2:44 pm
@Lee,
wow. thank you for sharing that. i think i’m slowly getting to the point where I will get off my ass and do something with my life to make it the life I want it to be.
thank you for sharing! btw, i didn’t dare to click on your link because of your dodgy sounding url lol
[Reply]