chervalier

i was debating whether or not i should make this post private but I realized that it isn’t something I should have to hide so I decided to leave it out in the open.

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A recent post of mine talked about being satisfied with Life and being thankful for things which has mostly been my philosophy since I was 19 or so. (Also, please ignore the flippy sentence structures in this post.. Am a bit weird right now) I’ve received some great feedback on that but for some reason, I’m feeling a bit emotional and depressed right now, so bear with me while I expound a little on what is it I think I really want in life.

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My best friend was accepted to a great school for her graduate studies in UK and will probably be going there in September, pending some small issues. While I’ve always been aware of her desire to go for grad studies immediately after graduating from college, I’ve always thought that some time in a full-time working environment was necessary after college before taking up grad studies and so have never really been actively supportive in her search and application process.

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Now that it’s all on track and is happening so soon, I can’t help but wonder if I was right. I stand by my view that some work experience is definitely beneficial, if not essential, to a person’s learning and maturing process. However, it seems that in this day and age, there are certain fields out there in which real working experience is not as essential as it used to be. While some professions and fields definitely continue to place great importance on experience (such as business or sales), others seem to be more lenient and are willing to accept what I would call in-lieu experience.. Meaning things that were done on the side, or during school, that did not come under a respectable organization etc…

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And the thing is, the jobs i’m looking for (technically) are jobs that fall into the latter category. I’ve wanted to be a writer for the longest time ever and my interest in all things Hollywood and Fashion have made me pine for the glamorous, glossy world that’s situated halfway around the world. Jobs at those places are pretty hard to come by, I’m guessing, but there SEEM to be lots of similar jobs on Monster, Craigslist etc… Don’t ask me why I’m not trying for these jobs in Singapore. The media market is sooooo saturated that it doesn’t even make sense to try. I’ve also heard some nasty things about working for either one of only 2 media companies in Singapore, so…

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I’ve always toyed with the idea of going for grad studies after a year or two of work, and have been researching which schools would be good to go to. On my list are Northwestern, Columbia and NYU.. No surprises there. I miss being in school, living on my own, making new friends practically everywhere, waking up late and all. Knowing that my friend is going to have all that for a whole year is making me extremely envious and probably a bit jealous.

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Those of you who advocate grabbing life by the balls would probably yell at me now to get off my ass and go for what I want – be it grad studies or an internship at a fashion/celebrity magazine. And yes, it’s true, I could probably try harder to do it, especially since I do have a lot more to show of my various writing experiences and all… Yet, the job I’m in now, being a wonderful job with great colleagues, excellent growth potential and location, is a chance that I don’t want to lose just because I want to try something that I’ve always envisioned myself doing. I’m pretty much committed to my job for a really long-term right now – there’s so much to learn, see and achieve.

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Problem is, the things I’m doing at my current job would not be relevant to the path I want to take – editorial/publishing/writing/fashion or entertainment commentary/media presenting (dj, host etc). Something that would be more relevant to my job would probably be taking up an MBA course or perhaps even Law or Finance.

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It’s a huge conflict to me because while the two aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive, they’re pretty much as different as, well, cookies and cakes. Both taste great, both are awesome comfort food, both take lots of care and concern to make. Yet one is soft and one is hard. One’s more filling and one’s more of a snack. In the same way, my current job, like the cake, is the more substantial and filling one, while the things I would want to do are the ones that are probably less stable with less returns (in terms of pay etc).  Both would make me happy, both are exciting and both require dedication and commitment.

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What would you do in such a situation? I don’t foresee myself quitting my job anytime in the near future unless something terrible or awesome crops up (i.e. I find out that I have absolutely zero development opportunities in my job OR I get offered something amazing that will change my life – like being talent scouted or offered a job to write for uh the Ellen show or something) Yet, I would still like to try for that life that I want.

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Ok my brain is doing breakdance right now. I’m so swamped with thoughts that I can’t even hold my head up. I still have so many more things to say but I don’t know how to properly organize those thoughts. I’m gonna say one last thing now and then leave. I really kinda want to be a successful singer, but that seems so impractical. Someone discover me please (or y’know I’ll have to wait till I make a demo tape and send it all over). GAH. A’ight this has been a tough post to read so good on you. Ciao guys and take care. BYE.

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