chervalier

Life is one great lapdance. No… Wait.. That’s the beginning of some other blog entry.. =P What I meant to say was something I’ve come to realize (as usual) about us.
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We want the lapdance

If we were all truly honest with ourselves, we’d recognize that all of us somehow hope that good things in life would simply fall onto our laps, kinda like a lapdance of all the things we want. Sadly, this only happens for all of 1% of the people in the world (I USED A STATISTIC! I am (in)credible!!) so the remaining 99% of us are.. fucked..?

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Just over the past few days/weeks, I’ve had random bouts of contemplation, thinking about what my life COULD be. It seems there are two lives for everyone – the life they COULD be leading, and the life they actually lead. I think about the former often enough, and in that life, everything seems perfect and wonderful and I’d wonder why the hell am I not leading that life.

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I’d always think that if I really tried, I could be doing everything I wanted to. Be a fashion magazine editor, work in an upscale environment (maybe New York? =)), see important people everyday, mingle with VIPs, become a world-famous singer, model (no thanks to my recent ANTM marathons), actress, Broadway star, etc..! Yet despite having all these dreams, I have never actively tried to achieve them. I’m simply sitting around, making the slightest effort to perform, search for opportunities, then sit around waiting for Life to perform its lapdance for me. There isn’t enough of the carpe diem mentality in me to prod me to do better. Secretly, I wish someone who knows me will find me some amazing opportunity and recommend me to try it and tra~la! My amazing journey will begin!

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Count your blessings..

Granted, many would argue that the life I lead now is pretty perfect in many ways already, and I agree. In many ways my life is extraordinary and there are so many blessings to give thanks for. I also know that there are many MANY people out there who wish to live my life (oh trust me, I know) and oh how they get on my nerves lol. It is probably this knowledge that makes me so content to sit on my ass and be happy with the life I’m leading.

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As I’ve been discussing with a friend the past few days, I believe I have a pretty strong coping mechanism that helps me get over rough times pretty well. Because of this, I find myself very thankful most of the time and not really in a situation where i “want” a lot. This mentality and ability to give thanks is one of the reasons why I’m not leading an even more fulfilling life.

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Afraid to try

Another reason why we don’t go all out to go for the life we want is that we’re afraid of trying and then failing. At least, that’s probably true for me. I’m afraid of or discouraged by failing. When I don’t get a response after trying, I get discouraged and disheartened. I slowly lose hope and my coping mechanism turns itself on (not that way!), helping me feel better about my life at its present situation.

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And so, thanks to all this and the recent revelation that there’s a lot more I want from life, I’m starting to feel kinda stuck in a rut. I’ve had so many wild ideas that I’ve been “sure will get me noticed and rocket me to fame and fortune”.. What crazy dreams and wild fantasies I’ve entertained of going to The Ellen Show and getting talent spotted (for I dunno, picking my nose or amazing breathing skillZ)… Or of running into Tyra Banks on the streets while strutting my stuff (yea when she’s in Singapore of course)..

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I know I should tell myself to stop waiting for the lapdance and just grab my chances by the balls (what an amazing metaphor this is turning out to be) but it feels so impossible to me that I don’t even want to try..! What do you think? Have you ever regretted not trying anything? Is it better to have given it your best than to sit around wondering what could have been? The answer seems to be “YES” but it’s a lot easier said than done.

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Maybe I’m just plain lazy. Ohwells. Also, I know I spelt “lap dance” as “lapdance” throughout. It was deliberate. Sssh. CIAO ALL and till the next time, take care =)

PS: Special mention to Yarn, for her awesome interpretation of the gibberish in my MSN nickname. It was simply AWESOME.

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a pre-prepared post!! woots. though it seems as if no one’s responding eh. hm.
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well now, this will be one of those “shorter” entries but still generally philosophical heh.

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To help you non-Singaporeans understand some of the context here, let me explain some laws we have in Singapore. In recent years, the government has moved to ban smoking in most public areas, most notably eating areas, bus stops, clubs and pubs, among others.

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I was really pleased at this development because i’m one of those obnoxious people that cannot stand cigarette smoke. If anyone within a ten metre radius of me lights up, I sniff the air like a blood hound and make annoyed faces and noises. Yea. So when the rule became more widespread, I started becoming very open about being disapproving of people who’d smoke at bus stops or other prohibited areas. I’d pretend to snap pictures of them on my phone camera (yes, Brenda, to pretend to send to Stomp! lol) and stare them down.

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About a week or two ago, I was at the bus stop near my house waiting for a bus. I was vaguely aware of someone sitting behind me after awhile, but didn’t pay attention until I smelt cigarette smoke. Annoyed, I turned to see who the culprit was. Apart from an innocent looking young(ish) guy sitting behind me, I didn’t see anyone else. I put it down to someone in a nearby house smoking out their window or something. I grew progressively more annoyed as time passed but couldn’t find anyone to blame it on!

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The bus soon arrived and I stood up and moved to the front of the bus stop. Then, I managed to take a good look at the guy who was seated behind me and lo and behold, he was holding a fag in his hand, enjoying the last of his smoke before getting onto the bus.

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At this point I had some major conflicting emotions. I was really pissed off at him for smoking at a bus stop (he was INSIDE the bus stop, sitting down!! as opposed to standing a few metres away!) but at the same time, I didn’t really feel too angry towards him..

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Why? Well look at the title of this post. Haha. He was… kinda cute, I guess. And it definitely made me less angry at him.  I was a lot more willing to let it go and not fuss too much about it… Until I realized how superficial I was being. Typically the offenders that get on my nerves are ugly, wrinkled old men at a different bus stop (that sees a totally different demographic of commuters altogether) and that, compounded with the smoke, just drives me nuts.

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How about you guys? Do you tend to go easy on attractive people? It’s natural, isn’t it? I’m sure i’m not the only one. I remember when I was in college we once read about a research project that looked at the relationship between a person’s attractiveness and the kind of punishment they are dealt when caught/tried. Mostly, attractive people were punished more lightly than not-so-attractive people unless they were deemed to have used their attractiveness to their advantage when committing the act.

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Cool, huh? =) Ok so let’s all try to stop judging books by their covers.. That’s the moral of the story today. Till the next time, CIAOOOO <3

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hola!! =)) Sorry for the non-bloggage for like, EVER. I’ve been busy and lazy as usual.. Feb was a totally crazy time for me, every single weekend was booked.. And it’s starting to seem like March is just going to be more of the same..

Just a quick reminder to self about March:

1) Meet Ann! (first weekend for coffee meetup with S?)

2) 12th dinner with tnt

3) 13th- MJ with girls and check if any prior apptmts

4) first weekend with yarn?

5) 27th with sgbloggers

6) 26th play

Yea that’s all so far. Mannn, working really destroys my ability to hang out during weekdays.. I did meet up with val yesterday though and have discovered that Raffles City is a pretty awesome place to shop.. heh. I’ve also discovered that shopping alone is detrimental to the health of my bank account.. ><

Aaaanyhoo, this blog entry is supposed to be a nice meaty satisfying one for those of you who prefer my blog entries..

Most of you should know I’m Catholic and that my belief system is pretty much shaped by Catholic values and principles. Well, most of it, at least. I realized lately that I have an underlying belief that governs my whole outlook on life and yea, i’m about to share it! lol.

Basically, I feel that our life and everything we worry/care about can be classified into a few basic categories. They are

• Family
• Health
• Love
• Work
• Friends
• Money
• Spirit /Faith (in other words, religion)

Now, the basic principle to life relating to the above is this:

Balance.

Yup! Simple huh? Basically, everything will balance out. Religiously, I’d say I believe this because I believe God is fair. You could also see it in a very Zen-manner and believe in the ultimate balance of the universe.

What this balance is referring to is that everything is fairly allocated. For example, if you are doing poorly at work and thus also have money problems, then you probably have love, friends and family who care for you and are probably generally healthy and spiritually sound too. Alternatively if you excel at work, have lots of money, and have great friends and family, then you might just be a bit more prone to illness, or maybe not have a good foundation faith-wise.

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So here’s some real-life updating from me that you rarely get on this blog. Everytime I pray (every night and every week at church), I kinda do a mental stock check of all these areas in life and pray that everything’s alright with all of them. However, I know there has to be balance and that something has to lose out somewhere.. Now for me, the most important things are Family and Health. These 2 I will never compromise on. The rest are very important too but I can compromise on those..

I’m very fortunate to be blessed with good things on most of my “areas”.. I have a wonderful family and mostly we have peace (though I guess you can say my bad relationship with my brother is a dip in the see-saw here).. I have AWESOME friends, money isn’t too big a problem, I’m a normal, mostly healthy person and I’m spiritually sound.. So yea, it seems everything’s up up up.. So a while ago, I was sorta taking stock and really praying very hard about the last 2 categories (work had not happened yet and up till then it had been “school”.. love was… not too good. a dip for sure)..

Let’s just say I kinda prayed for 2 things that were sort of happening around the same period. And what ended up happening was this: God gave me a GREAT job and decided to even things out by giving me a $%^&#craphole of a love life..

I mean when I look back on it.. I know how relieved I was when I got the job I wanted. At that precise moment I knew that I would have been a lot more devastated if I had gotten the uh relationship-related thing and lost out on the job than if i had gotten the job and lost out on the relationship-related thing. I think I even told some people this exact same sentiment right at that moment.

And honestly, my job has got to be God-given because it’s just awesome. I’m surrounded by amazing people, learning lots of things, can get to and from work very conveniently… From the bottom of my heart I know it was in His plan (ok if i’m coming across too religious well, I’m sort of sorry but seriously, you don’t understand the whole story) and that the long wait was worth it because I feel truly blessed with a great job. When I hear about some other horror stories of first jobs, I can’t help but give thanks.

About the shitfest that is my love life… I don’t know if I can do without one (because it seems like to even out the balance of all the categories I need to have a shitty or no love life) but I know now that if/when it happens, it’s going to be amazing. Like my job. And I really believe it because I know my next relationship will probably be IT, coz I’m *cough* such an accomodating and wonderful person. lol. No seriously though. I don’t foresee myself getting into any arguments or anything because i honestly think good communication can resolve most problems.

Anyways, we shall not talk about this anymore lol. What do you think? Agree with my Grand Theory?? Love the entry? haha. Love y’all. Will blog about the amazing mahjong night with my girls Michelle Siying and Edna soon! Till then, CIAOOO

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it’s possible this blog entry was in some way spurred by a very odd dream I had last night.. don’t get me wrong, it was an amazing (albeit short) dream. I think it had something to do with the fact that I had just watched a Friends episode before I went to bed — TOW Rachel’s Book. In that episode, Chandler and Monica begin preparing their wedding and Monica brings out her wedding book etc..

Anyway, my dream was soooo sweet but a bit out of character for me. I dreamt I was at my wedding. No shit. My groom was the male protagonist from Wild Child, but Asian. Honestly, dreams are weird. If they aren’t weird, they aren’t dreams.

So yea that guy (Alex Pettyfer.. I had to wiki it) was my husband-to-be and man I was sooo happy in my dream! It was really weird coz

1) He was Asian in some way that wasn’t really visible (though I think in my dream his hair was really dark and so were his eyes or something) [and no shit, somehow even my subconscious wants me to marry an Asian guy, not a white guy. so much so that a white guy was turned Asian.. ]

2) He’s not even my type! I haven’t even thought about this dude since I last watched Wild Child! He’s not one of those guys I obsess over (like Li Yuan and Xu Yi Yuan)

Anyway, back to the dream. We were walking around in the ballroom before the guests arrived, I was in a pretty white dress twirling around (seriously, this shit doesn’t sound like me) and somehow I was surprised by the wedding. It was some kinda surprise party wedding.. Then the guests turned up, congratulating us etc.. At one point one of my aunties started hounding me for $600 that she had passed to me like, an hour before the wedding. For some reason. -__-”

Anyhoo, that isn’t the whole point of the entry. I wanted to blog about this because I was thinking about a friend of mine and wondering if he/she would end up with his/her (don’t want to reveal the identity of my friend LOL) current partner and wondering if they DID get married, whether I’d get invited.

Have you ever wondered whether you’d get invited to a friend’s wedding? It’s interesting because on the one hand, you want to get invited because it means your friend remembered you or felt you were important enough. On the other, you don’t want to have to go and get a gift, find a date etc.

You don’t face this situation with REALLY good friends. Those you know for SURE you’d get invited to. I’m talking about good friends who you don’t talk to ALL the time or friend with whom you don’t know where you stand.. I started thinking more about the issue of wedding invitations because it’s the one big party everyone has in their lives. Whoever they invite to this party will be part of that person’s history. Though you could say the same for 21st birthday parties, I think weddings are WAY bigger.

Some ex-classmates of mine have already gone and gotten married. I was not invited to any of those. I don’t feel sore about it, just a bit left out I guess. I didn’t expect to be invited because I wasn’t really close to them, but when other common friends are invited and you aren’t, you start wondering what you did wrong. Lol. When the reality is probably that the couple probably had to cut down on guests they were inviting for cost-saving purposes.

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Since we’re on the topic of weddings and having to attend them, I started thinking about the tradition of the bouquet toss. Sometimes it seems humiliating to me to have to stand and be labeled “single” (more on this next time).. It seems like many women out there place huge importance on catching the bouquet at weddings since well, many shows have women fighting tooth and nail over the bouquets…

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m one of those girls who completely shuns the bouquet. I mean, sure it’d be fun to catch the bouquet but MAN the response from everyone around you once you catch it. I hate when my relatives ask about my love life. In fact, in general, I don’t talk about my love life much except to my close friends (with whom I talk about my love life endlessly)..

Thing is, I don’t think that’s the real reason why I’d shun the bouquet. I think there’s some other reason I don’t want to and I don’t know why. It’s definitely not that I want to remain single all my life or something (though I do have a problem with commitment). Oh well, not a problem I’ll have to think about soon anyway. I’ll wait till the wedding invitations come in to start shuddering.

Will I be invited to your wedding? =D

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I need to finish this post by today because I want to post this on today’s significant date.. Do you know what date it is today? 09.09.09! I only realized this when I saw a news feature about this baby being born at 9.09am today and the following story on thousands of couples getting married today…

For those of you who don’t know the significance of this date to us Chinese people, 9 in Chinese/Cantonese is hononymous (sounds like) with the word “long (lasting)”.. It’s typically considered a romantic number to symbolise longevity of relationships.. People get married on dates with 9 in them or give token red packets in denominations of 9 as a “hope” that their relationship will last forever. Roses are also given in 9, 99 or 999.. There’s even a song called 999 roses..

On a side note, Singapore’s emergency number to dial for the police is 999.. Does it mean it’ll take them forever to get to you? hmm..

Anyway, I thought it would be a good opener for a topic that I’d wanted to blog about for EVER (hey, 99!)..

I believe many people here know of the concept of The One. It’s a concept commonly explored in chick lit novels, situational comedies, glossy magazines and many more.. In fact, so many people believe in this concept that they actually question themselves before they get into a relationship on whether their potential partner is, indeed, The One.

Just a quick search on google turns out so many different results on finding out if he’s The One..

I think I might even have bought into this concept for awhile when I was younger. Now, disillusioned as I am, I completely disagree with the idea that there is ONE perfect person out there for each person. I think reading so many chick lits and magazines has caused many many women to have highly unrealistic expectations of what men should be like.

I concede, I am one of those girls. I’d like a man who’s manly, assertive, funny, intelligent, smart, sexy etc.. (In other words, 许毅源from《光阴的故事》 but more on that later..)  I know, however, that such a person is nearly impossible to find. And even if I were to find someone like that, chances are someone else has already landed him.

So while I believe that there’s no way I can find someone like that, I do believe, however, that there are imperfect people out there that will soon grow into people who possess such qualities that make girls fall in love. I believe that love is a matter of timing. If two people are  looking for the same thing at the same time, that’s when things work out for them. However, if a girl finds a perfect boy but the boy is not looking for anything serious at the moment, or if a boy finds the perfect girl but the girl finds him too immature, then things aren’t going to work out for them.

The previous two examples were real-life examples of people I know. In both cases, they’ve found other people they love and are in committed relationships right now.

To me, love is a concoction of variables such as attitude, timing and compatibility. You need the right attitude/mentality towards a committed relationship to be in one. The timing is essential to ensure you’re both at the right place. Compatibility needs no explanation, you definitely need to be compatible in most ways to have a long-lasting relationship.

These things don’t come about all of a sudden. That’s why I don’t believe in concepts such as “Love at first sight” or cheesy crap like “You had me at hello”. Those things can only be seen in movies and they belong there. The One also doesn’t exist. Anyone can be The One if you give them a chance and work at your relationship.

If you keep looking for The One, you might miss out The Ones with a Chance, or The MaybeThisCouldWorkOut One. I don’t think we really fall in love. We grow in love.

My msn nick for today is “if I find a boyfriend today (09 09 09) then I’ll believe in the concept of “The One’. Otherwise, no such thing, people!!!”

There’s half an hour left to the end of the day. If something miraculous happens by then, maybe I’ll change my viewpoint (because it would be truly magical for anything to happen lol) Otherwise, I just want everyone to open their eyes to the opportunities around them. I’m not saying give up hope on love, I’m saying look around. It might be somewhere you never looked. Or even right in front of your eyes!

Man I sound like a chick lit or a magazine columnist. Anyhoo, happy 090909 all!

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I don’t know why exactly, but I’ve recently been spurred to sign up for some volunteer activities so that I can make some contribution to society.. It could be because of that silly TVB Drama with the dogs and cats in it with its overt animal-loving-volunteer-supporting message that got me to do this.

I’ve always had a latent desire to volunteer in some way. Well maybe not always, but since at least a few years ago. When we were still in school, we had chances to volunteer and have it contribute to our Community Involvement Project (CIP) points and those were definitely fun times. Somehow, though, that didn’t really feel like volunteering. I guess it’s because we were doing it to gain the points we needed to graduate from school.

I remember being involved in Flag Days, Bake Sales, visits to Old Folks’ Homes and all.. Volunteering as a docent in the Asian Civilizations Museum was also one of the best experiences I had, and the craft-day volunteering we did at the National Day Istana Open House was also very enriching. It didn’t, however, give me the same sense of satisfaction and fulfilment as it would have if I weren’t doing it for school.

I once went with my church to a nearby Old Folks’ Home to give out food and gifts during the Christmas season. The church choir performed for them and the residents were all smiling and grateful. That, I must say, was definitely the best experience EVER. Being able to do something to make someone happy without a selfish thought for yourself is probably the best thing in the world. Well, maybe not the best, but it definitely ranks up there with all sorts of other pleasures.

I want to be able to help these people in need, because I feel so lucky in so many ways. In my previous blogs I’ve mentioned several times how lucky we are to be healthy, whole individuals with much of our needs cared for. The fact that you are on your computer reading this right now goes to show that life isn’t all that bad for you. You can read, you have electricity, you have a computer (or have access to one somewhere). You can use your fingers, you can understand what I’m saying. All the above are things to be grateful for.

So let’s give what we can to the people who are not as privileged as we are.

My special areas of concern (I can’t think of a better way to phrase that, but I’d say these are my soft spots) are the Elderly and underprivileged children. I am especially passionate about these 2 groups of people because

1) I love my grandma and I know she has led a hard life. A lot of people at that age have led a tough life and most of them who have ended up in homes have been abandoned by unfeeling children or maybe have no children to support them in their sunset years. I know I don’t want to see my grandmother in any situation except being loved and cared for after all she has gone through. Similarly, I think many of the elderly folk deserve love and care, if not from their families then from complete strangers who can make them smile and realize the world isn’t that harsh after all.

2) Children, especially young ones, are the most innocent creatures on Earth (despite being born into a debt of sin.. yada yada.. lol).. I don’t think they have to suffer for things they haven’t even done. What’s more, what you could do for them in their childhood could go a long way in nurturing and shaping their futures. What greater joy is there than helping a poor child find his/her place in the world and seeing him/her succeed? Even just a smile and a hug is enough to brighten anyone’s day. I dare you not to be moved by the innocence of a young child in need.

So I’ve signed up with the NPVC (National something Volunteer something i think) and registered for a whole bunch of volunteer activities.. The only thing stopping me from going all out and volunteering is my fear of committment (to anything that requires my time).. Still though, I’m gonna make an active effort to try

How about it guys? Anyone wanna join me? =)

(filed under Projects coz it’s a project I’m embarking on wheee!)

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!

Today was a victory for Singapore in some ways, I believe. We had the most entertaining and extravagant National Day Parade yet. We made it into Twitter’s trending topics, putting Singapore on the map for a very dubious reason (Singapore Idol 09). So yes, those were some small victories. In my opinion we’ve also seen the best batch of Idol hopefuls this year, so that’s another small victory.

We did, however, see some EPIC FAILs during the National Day Parade. SM Goh’s listless waving when the camera panned to him, President Nathan’s ever stony face.. The utter irrelevance of the “chapters” to the content of each chapter.. The SOKA performance literally had their performers unable to think out of the box with their odd box-enclosures for their performers’ heads.. The list goes on.

Yet despite all these fails, I found this year’s NDP highly entertaining and so much more engaging than any I’ve ever seen. The location was breathtaking (especially as night fell) and the integration of water features (lighted boats! gorgeous!) made for a fresh take on the usual Parade.

I’d long wanted to blog about how perfect Singapore is to me. What a better time to do so than *checks clock* oh crap. The last 14minutes of my country’s 44th birthday?

After having been overseas many many times, I have arrived at a conclusion. Singapore might not be a place I want to live all my life, but it is definitely my home. Where else can I find everything I need? I realized this about a month or so ago when I fell in love with 书剑恩仇录 (shu jian en chou lu), a television drama based on a novel by Chinese wuxia (martial artis) novelist Louis Cha, again. When I scoured the Internet for episodes from the show, my searches yielded disappointing results.

The only efficient-loading videos of the version of the show I wanted was dubbed in Vietnamese! No offence but hearing my favorite characters speak in a foreign and strange-sounding language really grated my ears. In a desperate bid to satisfy my longing (this sounds soooo wrong), I rushed out of the house to the mall nearby and headed for the VCD/DVD store.. The emotions of gratitude, relief and utter euphoria that welled up in me the moment I saw the box made me so giddy that I hugged onto the box for dear life.

Not only did they have the version I was looking for, they were selling it at only S$19.90!!! Can you say cheap!?!??? The new version of the show was going for about S$29 (special offer, too) but I wasn’t so interested in the newer version (since I could get good quality versions of it online =P)

After making my purchase, I floated out of the store on a cloud of sheer happiness. And that’s when it hit me. If I had been living in the States like I had planned to, this moment of happiness would never have happened. (Oh please pardon my OTT style of writing here. I NEED to exaggerate how I felt because I truly felt indescribably happy). I highly doubt there would have been a single vendor in the States that would have had copies of this version of the show, especially so long after it had aired on television.

That led me to think about what other things I would never have been able to find in the States easily if I had needed to. And I came up with a pretty long list. Nim Jiom Pei Pa Gao (i love!), Salon Pas(i know this from experience), Roti Prata, all sorts of bizarre Singaporean food cravings, cheap electronics from Sim Lim, cheap nail cutters or other knick knacks from Pasar Malams… I think I might have killed myself if all these needs presented themselves at the same time when I was there.

It opened my eyes to how unique Singapore is, and how so many of her strengths lie in the little nooks and crannies of Singapore’s society. It’s not the big things that make Singapore beautiful (like excellent healthcare or efficient public transport).. It’s the small, delicately precious things like the cobbler at the nearby MRT station (who scolded the crap out of me for ruining my shoe), or the aunties pushing their market trollies home after a trip to the wet market.

It’s the mwah chee that I love from Pasar Malams, and the aunties who run the small news stands beside MRT stations. It’s knowing I can go see the Chinese doctor when I sprain my ankle or catch a Jack Neo movie anytime I want. It’s everyone speaking Singlish, it’s the funny ah bengs and their hokkien jokes.. It’s so many things I love that can’t be found anywhere else.

On top of everything else, it’s being with my family and seeing my aunties and uncles stand and recite the pledge, making us kids stand and sing the National Anthem. It’s trying to recite the Chinese National Pledge in Cantonese and laughing a lot while we’re at it. It’s making fun of Singapore Idol Auditions and laughing at the parade.

And so, as the clock strikes twelve on your birthday, I wanna say, for everything you are I love you, my sweet Singapore =)

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