chervalier

i’m very very sleepy, but I shall continue blogging because, well, I made a commitment to.
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Today, I’ll tell you all about how my online routine has changed.

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Or not..

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Sorry guys, I’m kinda tied up right now but I promise to be back tomorrow! This counts as a blog post, even if there is no real content, right?

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How’s this for content: A really quick movie review of Source Code!

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I recently watched this and man, Jake Gyllenhaal… To settle for a lifetime with a really hot girl in the body of a less-hot-than-yourself guy.. That’s awesome. And to die so many times in an hour… I felt the movie, on the whole, was really great, although I didn’t realize that the premise was parallel universes at first. If I had known, I wouldn’t have felt so settled and stubborn. I kept railing at Capt Stevens for being dumb, because I thought the source code was just a simulation.

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After watching the movie, I did as I usually did after watching a great movie – Googled and Wiki-ed it. I was looking for answers as to how he could exist in a simulation, till I found several that explained that the source code was creating parallel universes… Which makes more sense, but brings with it a whole lot more questions… I’m not gonna delve into those right now, but I wanted to point out a rather ridiculous interpretation of the ending – that Capt Stevens had died and gone to heaven, which, for him, was an extension of the alternate reality – one where he prevented the train from exploding and went on to live happily ever after with Christina.

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For some reason I felt this interpretation was kinda shitty.. I can’t remember why now.. >< Hmm.

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What are your thoughts on Source Code? Have you watched it?  =) Ok sorry for a really rather lousy blog entry. Back tomorrow!! Ciao!

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I think to myself a lot. In my head, my voice is as clear and audible as (trying to find a suitable simile -__-”) the song of a nightingale. *cough*

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I went for a massage Wednesday evening.. The kind where you pretty much strip down to your birthday suit and let someone rub you all over in oils and creams. I wanted to post a full transcript of my internal monologue/stream-of-consciousness, but that would be too messy and crazy, so I thought I’d just put up some choice selections…

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“I really really hope I don’t fart.”

“I’m so glad I went to the toilet before coming here.”

“I’m so glad I went home and had a quick thorough shower before coming here..”

“I wonder if she thinks I’m fat. Oh my god please don’t be lesbian. Ok, that was WAY close.”

“Oh crap. I need to take a dump. DON’T PRESS ON MY KIDNEYS!”

“Ohhh this feels goooood.. This is awesome.. This… OMG ELBOW ON NECK! ELBOW ON NECK! HER.ELBOWS.ARE.ON.MY.NECK!!! WTF!?!”

“I really should try to sleep. That’s the hallmark of a good massage afterall, right? If i fall asleep? It means I was really comfortable!”

“Ok, I hope she didn’t hear that. It was kinda quiet. Hope it isn’t a silent killer. I think I should cough to cover up the next one.”

“TOO CLOSE! TOO CLOSE!! THAT WAS WAY TOO CLOSE!”

“I wonder if they change their sheets. How clean is this towel I’m on? Ew I’m going to take a shower as soon as I get home.”

“Wow, she has really smooth hands….”

“Poor dear, I think she must be really tired. I feel bad. Maybe I should try to shrink a bit so she doesn’t have to expend so much energy”

“Rainbows… Butterflies.. Kittens.. I’m not wearing anything =(”

“I’m on a horse”

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More, I think, but I can’t remember all of them, and I think you get the idea of what I’m like at a massage now.. Heh. Enjoy!

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Consistent I’ve been, eh? Yoda I speak, no? =)

Coming up next post: My new daily online habits. Stay tuned! =)

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ohai there!

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what’s that you’re saying? I’ve been rather consistent? Why thank you. I like to believe I’m a changed person who is now able to show commitment and dedication. Although I’m still a rather bad commitment-phobe, I’ve taken on lots of commitments and seen most of them to the almost-finish (as they’re mostly unfinished as of now… not because of my own doing but because we’ve not reached the end of the timeline yet =P). I’m not very proud of myself YET, but I believe in time to come, I will allow myself to be =)

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So let’s do a recap of my awesome Tuesday =) It was a public holiday – Hari Raya, and so despite wanting to spend the day relaxing at home, I decided to make plans with Ben to go for that long-discussed K session that we hadn’t been able to arrange! We made the date 2 weeks in advance, and finally went for it! Woohoo! I had a blast, and Ben was awesome! It was a bit too short, but quality time as always =)) We’ll have to catch up more soon, Ben!!

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After karaoke, I headed to 6th avenue to meet my darling darling Ann~~ Again, we made use of this public holiday to meet up for a quick chat. Since both of us wanted/needed to be home in the evening, we decided to meet for tea and a quick catch up. It’s always great to meet Ann and catch each other up on our lives =) Tuesday was no exception.

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I feel blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life =) Thank you guys! I always wonder why I’m so lucky, because sometimes I feel like a downright undeserving person, but having people like you guys makes me feel a lot better about myself. After all, if amazing people like you guys can be my friends, then the “haters” (lol) are probably just sad louts who have no friends, or have really sucky friends or something. Whatever their problem is, it has nothing to do with me, and none of it is my problem. I have my friends, and my rockin’ awesome life! =)

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That was waxing philosophical a bit, I apologize.

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I have plans for this domain. I needs to brushes ups on my design skillzes. Hopefully I can find the time to follow through on these plans!! Busy busy busy! ><

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So till the next update, ciao all! =))

(PS Coming up in the next post: My massage interior monologue/stream of consciousness)

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so… I took a day off yesterday as it was a public holiday here in Singapore.. So technically I’ve not missed a day at all! ;P

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Saturday – Sunday: Crazy night till day

Since this crossed the midnight mark, I didn’t know which day to put it under, and so you have the heading as above..

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After our sumptuous dinner, we headed off to Ms KLW’s place nearby in a short but eventful car ride..

One eventful car ride... OF DEATH

A short 5 minutes later, we got to KLW’s place and, well, to cut a long story short, indulged in a night of crazy drinking games, (complete with Martell, Shoju, Singapore Sling, Vodka, and other assorted spirits). I’d brought an innocent little game to play – Chattabox, but it required too much brain effort, so we moved on to dumb but crazy fun drinking games =P We played this game with 16 card lying face down (dunno the title) first, as a warm up, then moved on to the main game of the night – LKJAIUOJK:RLT (in other words, I don’t know the name of the game).. It involved setting up rules for cards and going through the deck. Pretty fun shit! =) We had a crazy night watching each other’s thumbs, avoiding people’s questions, ending every sentence with IN YOUR VA***A, screaming commands in Chinese, coming up with EPIC rap songs, and #winning at everything! =P

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Several rounds later, KLW’s cousin, Robert (or, as I call him, Robot) joined us at about 2am, bringing tao huey for us! =) After a few more rounds of the game, most people were drunk, crying, knocked out, or trying to remain upright. We abandoned the game, KLW decided to turn off the lights and turn on the music, and we started impromptu clubbing in her room. It was pretty amazing =) Certain people were a bit too nuts, jumping about the whole night, but all in all, it was a fun night. (I must note that I’d been the only one who’d not touched the alcohol. I did accidentally drink one or two diluted drops of Martell and instantly broke out in a rash. Joy)

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We were also infuriated that we’d waited all night for the results of the Presidential Elections to be announced, but it took so much longer than expected that by 3am or so, we had given up waiting.

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Having an early day to prepare for, I decided to leave early, and left the house at 340am or so.. Thankfully, her place was only 5mins away from mine (by cab), so I got home and cleaned up and rested, in preparation for the next day. Sadly, I was still having rather bad diarrhoea -__-” so I took another charcoal pill and went to bed at about 530am.

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Sunday – Blogger madness! =) (And apparently a bit of history -__-”)

Met up with Brenda, Dayna and Chien*! (Supposed to meet Terry too, but we really have no fate =( ) Chien had come to Singapore all the way from Brunei (and also the UK), and we friendly Singaporean bloggers were here to bring her around! =)

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* – everyone called her Chien Yee, her real name, but for some reason, I got stuck calling her Chien.. Possibly has to do with her username? haha <3

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Like Brenda mentioned in her blog post, you don’t start out blogging hoping to meet fellow bloggers and making friends. Blogging is a way to express your feelings, and update your existing friends about the happenings in your life. Nevertheless, a bunch of us have managed to become fast friends thanks to our common activity of blogging (and other miscellaneous web-design-related activities).

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I’ve been blogging since I was Sec 1 or 2 – 2000/1 was the year, and babybluz was the screen name I used. Since then, I’ve jumped from blog to blog, host to host, domain to domain. From babybluz, to Sereneternity, to Soliloquy, to SilenceEverafter, to BraveNewBlog, to hollowmimicry, to Cherffalo, to Chervalier.. It still blows my mind how many online identities I’ve grown and ditched.  I’ve owned domains like http://silence-everafter.org, http://dontfallinlove.net, http://spankyfacade.com, and a couple others I can’t remember. I’ve run several CCA websites, worked on backend coding for a friend, and still I feel like a fish out of water when it comes to designing.

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It kinda boggles me that after years of experience, I’m still kinda a beginner at this. I used to be pretty boss at coding, but having left the scene for a year or two has left me floundering – all the deprecated tags, validation etc now throws me. Coding is so different now. It’s so much more cut and paste than it was before. But everything also looks so much nicer than it used to. And here is where I come back to the topic – how I met these fantawesome people =P

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When I came back to the blogging/webdesign world, one of the first things I did was look for a forum to join. I used to be part of the Coloration forums, and I was even a Coloration reviewer (lol), back when tiny fonts were all the rage, and celebrity layouts were the norm. I remember loving the feeling of being part of a community and searched for a similar one. And I found Snark. Through Snark, I met many awesome people, one of them being the first Singaporean I came across on Snark – Dayna ! =) We rejoiced in our fellow Singaporean-ness, and our shared love for beauty products and reviewing them. Through Dayna, I came to know of Terry and Brenda, as well as Ivy.

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We slowly got to know each other better through our blogs (and facebook =P), and Christmas that year, I received gifts in the mail from Terry and Dayna! I was amazingly touched! Terry had given us handwritten and hand illustrated letters with gift vouchers to the Body Shop! How sweet! Dayna had thoughtfully packed for me sample products and also, a BIG-HEADED ELMO which I absolutely adored!! In my mind, I realized that these were *real* people, and I think from that point on I started considering them as friends, rather than strange shapeless things that exist behind blogs.

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Long story short, we’ve had several AHMAZING meet-ups (to confirm that we were real people =P), except that Terry and I have, to date, not ever met each other.. Which really blows. =( Go read Brenda’s blog for more on our shenanigans, but for now, I will post some pictures from Sunday, when Chien (whom Dayna and I know from Snark, and Brenda knows coz Chien reads her blogs =)) met up with us in Singapore! =)

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Again, images are hotlinked from FB for now.. I will upload them myself soon! =P

beautiful people =) (they'd met earlier as I couldn't join them so early)

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i NEED to meet Terry in person!

the great thing about meeting with bloggers is there's always a camera ready =P

=) welcome to Singapore! =)

awesome Chien is awesome =P Brenda's picture here is amazing, love the colors and comp!

More fun pictures can be found on FB if you’re a friend of Brenda’s =)

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so that concludes my amazing weekend! How was yours? =)

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(Next post: watch out for my amazing Tuesday!! (a public holiday))

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ABPAD = A Blog Post A Day

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Since I’ve been so great at keeping all my OTHER resolutions thus far (pursuing quite a lotta things that I’m not sharing on a public domain (as yet)), I thought I’d better keep that promise and put up a blog post a day =)

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I’d also unabashedly declared it to Dayna, Brenda and Chien, so I might as well follow through with this.

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While we’re on the topic of keeping resolutions, I’m gonna be changing the look of this page very soon to a more blog-like layout, as opposed to the messy, magazine-wannabe layout it now is.. =) Hang in there!

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So, I’ve had a rather extreme weekend.

Thursday – the Fever

The terror started on Thursday, when I started to develop a fever for no apparent reason. I felt feverish and cold at about 6pm, went home and took my temperature – 37degrees. Seemed kinda normal, so I went out for a bit and may have pushed myself a bit too hard. Came home and measured my temperature again as I was feeling abnormally cold, and shivering all over. Temperature had gone up to 38.3 and was climbing. I took a shower in an effort to feel better, then measured my temperature again – 38.7degrees.

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Worried, I popped 2 paracetamol and drank a cup of water. After a torturous hour or so of shivering and emanating heat, I measured my temperature again.. 38.8 degrees. Long story short, I waited for my parents to come home to take me to the doctor, but when they got home, it was kinda late (945pm?) so my mom was like, “Just take panadol and go to sleep and you can go see the doctor tomorrow.” I dried my hair and went to bed at around 11pm.. Woke up at about 0130hrs feeling very very cold and yet knowing that my body was very very warm… Tried to get back to sleep but couldn’t. Succumbed and checked the time – 0150hrs.. Still a long way to go till morning.. So I took another 2 paracetamol and tried to go back to sleep..

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Friday – the Runs

When I got up (645am) the next day, I was a sweaty mess, but it seemed like the fever had broken. I decided I was in shape to go to work, so I did. In the office, my fever started to return, so I took 2 paracetamol again. Then I realized I had the runs.. >< That, together with the fever, made me think I’d possibly gotten food poisoning or something, so I was all, “Ok, let’s just let my body get rid of everything that’s bad in it..” So I had the runs for every half an hour the whole day…

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Finally, when I got home at about 6pm, I told my mom about it and she made me take a charcoal pill because my logic was unsound – apparently diarrhoea isn’t that great a way for your body to get rid of bad stuff in your body. I obediently took the charcoal pill, along with 2 paracetamol. Had an early night, since my stomach was feeling weird.

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Saturday – the Jogs and the Crabs

So I got up the next day, hoping to be fully recovered, since I had a date with my friends for a Crab dinner extravaganza… Only to find myself jogging to the toilet 5 minutes later. The effects of the charcoal pill had worn off, and whatever it was I had eaten was evidently very vicious and wanted to torture me for days. I had a (hopefully) non-irritating breakfast and popped a charcoal pill. Thankfully, I no longer had a fever!

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Still suffered from a bit of diarrhoea (less frequently though, therefore now called “the Jogs”), but since I was dying to meet my friends, I decided to suck it up (not the diarrhoea, EW) and head out to meet them!

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We went to Crab Specialist at Choa Chu Kang Avenue 3 (Sunshine Place) for our Crab Dinner. This seafood “restaurant” is one of the places my family frequently goes to for dinner. The crabs are relatively big and usually very nicely prepared. I’d recommend the Crab Beehoon Soup (usually served in a claypot with mother awesome soup) and Chilli Crab. That evening, we ordered the following:

• Sambal Kangkong
• Hotplate Tofu
• Sweet and sour pork ribs
• Chilli crab (2 crabs)
• Black Pepper crab (2 crabs)
• Salted egg yolk crab (2 crabs)
• 2 X 10 fried mantou

Oh don’t worry, there were 10 of us =) I’ll let the pictures do the talking now! =P

Montage from mel's phone =) Image currently hosted by FB, gonna upload mine later =)

the ten of us! =)) <3

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Do note the cleaned plates =P We had a fantastic dinner, good conversation, then headed off to Giant (a supermarket) nearby for some groceries and snacks for the rest of the evening..

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I think I’d better leave the rest of my weekend recap for another post. I might run out of things to update =P Coming up: my extremely awesome Saturday night and my wonderful Sunday =)

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Till then, toodles~

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Note: This post is still pretty unpolished. Will be adding pictures and links soon =P

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I thought I’d share some of my dailies here so that

1) People who are puzzled about the influences on my sense of humor can see what I find funny and hopefully understand my humor. (And avoid other embarassing funny-to-me-but-not-anyone-else incidents >< )
2) I can officially thank the people who’ve introduced me to these things for making my life so much more colorful =)

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Whenever I log on to the computer, the first thing I do is sign into my email to check what I’ve received in the several hours I’ve not been online =X. That usually leads me to facebook (notifications, thanks), youtube (occasional notifications) and whatever other things I have to sign into to get messages. I then do a quick check on twitter, scroll through my tumblr and quickly check the blog (usually just clearing spam =( ). I used to check in on my Snark acc too but.. I’ve been doing more lurking than posting there lately >< I’m embarassed to go back after such a long break.

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Facebook usually takes up a huge chunk of my time. When I’m done, I usually go straight to YouTube to see if communitychannel or CollegeHumor have posted new videos. I also check out the latest number of views for my channel and videos. When all that’s done and I want to sit back and relax, I go to one of JakeandAmir’s various channels that I’ve bookmarked, pre-load about 5, then sit back and watch them. If I feel especially indulgent, I load an episode of Torchwood or Friends to watch =P

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Anyhoo, that’s my usual routine for when I’m at home chilling. My daily breakfast routine (when I’m at work having breakfast or back from lunch) goes like this (in order):

- ClientsFromHell (thanks to Terry for sharing on FB)
- Failbook (cannot remember where/how I came across this. Possibly a link on Cracked?)
- Lamebook (googled. lol)
- Cracked (that person whom I cannot mention)
- CollegeHumor (Cracked share)
- NotAlwaysRight (MLIA page)
- HuffingtonPost (Cracked)
- Anything on Cracked’s Linkstorm – I especially like pages from ManOFest, AskMen and quite a few more that I can’t remember)

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Of course I don’t get time to read ALL of those, but sometimes I do, and then some. When I do have time on my hands, I like to read other sites like CIGAMWT, SMGS etc (basically a ton of sites I follow on Tumblr). I also love checking out TheOatmeal, Hyperbole and a Half, SWPL, SAPL etc.. Sadly, these sites don’t really update regularly so they didn’t make it to the dailies. Also, some sites I can only look at weekly, like Oglaf, Xiaxue and if I have the time, EngrishFunny. (EF used to be a daily for me but no more time..!!) I also read Wikipedia extensively.. ><

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There’s quite a ton of other sites I haven’t had time (or the sense of mind) to add in so I’ll be updating this post from time to time =P

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THAT’S ALL FOR NOWWW

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ok so i was typing this on my iPod on the way to meet Ann yesterday, this morning on the way to work, and during lunch and I realized how nauseating it is to type a full blog entry on a moving vehicle o.0

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Also, I’ve been blogging a whole lot! I think I’ve been reading too much Hyperbole and a Half lately. Really. I came across the website ages ago after seeing a link to it on The Oatmeal but never got around to checking it out properly until lately when more and more of my favorite websites started linking to it. (That reminds me, I need to get to posting a LOLShare soon -__-”) Anyhoo, that amazing blog has been inspiring me to blog more and I guess my style has kinda been affected by it. Though I’m nowhere near as talented or funny as AllieBrosh, of course.

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However, I’ve ever experimented with using my own illustrations in place of using Google images before *points down to QueenofTMI post*. Evidently, I am not too good at drawing. Sadly though, we all know what makes a blog interesting and easy/fun to read is the amount of pictures/illustrations on it (total fact, seriously you guys) and since I didn’t want to chance the wrath of various owners of images, I decided to draw some of my own or at least use my own personal pictures as and when I could. You would hopefully have noticed that trend lately (apart from the Tshirts post and that’s ok since i was kinda selling their shirts for them plus i linked you right to their store)..

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So anyhoo, here’s a post, complete with my own illustrations (if you can call them that. Personally, I call them my flaming pieces of shit).. I was thinking what could I describe my “style” of drawing, since every artist has one: The Oatmeal’s is cartoonish (that is so a legit description), Allie’s (notice how I called her by her first name like she’s my friend?) is exaggerated childish doodle-like drawings.. Cyanide and Happiness’s is neat, expressive stick figures, xkcd’s is basic stick-ish figures etc..

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After awhile, and much scrutiny of my drawings, I have come to a conclusion regarding the “type” of drawing my doodles fall under. “BUTTFUGLY” . It’s ok. It’s true. haha.
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ANYHOOZES. The point of this blog. I was whining and basically being a bitch about my slightly injured finger all over the place lately (because it horrified the crap outta me that my finger has not yet magically healed after 2 weeks. It’s a record, for me. I’m usually like Wolverine.) So, to prove to people that I wasn’t making a mountain outta a molehill, I decided to illustrate how screwed up my finger is right now. Of course, crap drawings done on my iPod is the way to convince y’all of the state of my sprained finger.

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So I started scribbling on the train to town after work. As most (some? one??) of you might know, I’m OCD + Paranoid about public transport. I feel as if everyone is out to get me/eavesdrop on me etc. So I had to draw with my ipod tilted towards my chest so that no one could see. I think i might have even sprained my finger further.  Throughout the whole ride, I was drawing hands and fingers on the train, wondering what people might think of me if they saw what I was drawing. This despite the fact that they probably already thought I was a looney for drawing stuff practically ON my chest, occasionally laughing to myself, then shaking my head and erasing the whole canvas by running my finger all over the screen. Think about that image.

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So anyway, here’s the result of that bout of drawing. Remember. The intention is to get you to understand how fucked up my finger is.

my hands, and in case you couldn't tell, I wrote 'L' below the left hand and 'R' sorta under the right

uhm, my right hand, when viewed palm side up. i felt the need to overcompensate and wrote "R". and "normal" in case you didn't think it was

left hand viewed palm side up. i forgot that not many people understand that "!" means "not" so I thought adding more dots below it would help. and a red circle

Now, note the gap that I’ve kindly pointed out in above picture. Ignore the fact that it looks like my hand is the hand-world equivalent of gay since it can’t decide whether it wants to be a left or right hand (seriously I tried so hard to make the rightmost finger a pinkie but it kept turning out to be a thumb so I decided to be hippie and let this hand be whatever it wanted. Left or right, it will always be my hand)..

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Anyway, yea. My left ring finger is the one that’s sprained. Normally it would stick real close to the middle finger, as the right one does (see picture above above picture), but now there’s this gap like they got a divorce or something.

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I was worried that the sprain had rendered my ring and middle fingers irreconcilable so I took a really close look at the finger. Turns out, this is what happened..

right "normal" ring finger

left ring finger. notice the bump/bone detour ????

So, turns out there’s a huge bump/bone detour thing going on there that’s separating my left ring and middle fingers. Kinda like a tumorous third party. (BTW I did the two drawings of my ring fingers by tracing them onto my iPod! How’s that for win? I had to hover the ring fingers so they didn’t touch the screen. That is some skillz, y’all)

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So yea that’s what’s going on with my finger. I feel that there’s kinda less pain now, but I still feel discomfort when trying to cup things with my left hand. By things I mean conditioner, shampoo etc!!!! No idea what you were thinking but I thought i’d best banish those thoughts.

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Sigh. Deformed hand-dom, here I come. Bye bye pretty hands =(

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So what did you think of my drawings? Here’s one with stick figures so you can see how awesome my drawing is.

Can you tell what's going on??? Let me know what you think is going on!

Yup, so let me know what you think! Btw, I have come to the conclusion that I am miserably unfunny, due to the shitloads of people who didn’t “get” the previous post. (By shitloads I mean 2. And of course, one person has found it funny so far. So yea. Still an overall fail) Oh well.

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Till the next time, TOODLES!~

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UPDATE: WARNING!!! A lot of people (by that, I mean 2 persons) have read this and told me they don’t understand why this entry is funny. PLEASE LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS of the hilarity of this entry before reading it! It will possibly leave you wondering “HUH!? WTF IS SHE THINKING!?” kthx!

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the title of this blog entry was brought to you by Katy Perry, via her recent single, “Firework”. It’s the very first line of lyrics in the song and is just so amazingly retarded that my friends and I have resorted to using it for everything. I have come to the wonderful conclusion that this line is the line of win and should be used to win any argument, discussion or self-war ever. (Yes i said self-war. It exists because Shakespeare himself said so. Remember? Brutus was with himself at war. Yes. I said Shakespeare. I’m smart.)

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Anyways, here are some ways to achieve instant wins when arguing with people, using just that line up there.

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Person*: Why have you not cleaned up your room like I told you to?! Why are all your clothes just lying all over the place!? Can you please keep your clothes in your closet!? You are so fat! Why aren’t you working out! Here, eat some fried stuff. WHY ARE YOU SO GREEDY! That’s why you’re so fat!!!

Me: Do you ever feel *pause,  nomnomnom* …like a plastic bag?

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*purely a fictional person. If it bears resemblance to anyone, dead or alive, it’s purely a coincidence. So no, it isn’t you, mom.

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There. Argument won. Here’s another, more realistic example:

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Person*: Hey babe you’re lookin’ hawt tonight. What can I get you to drink? Your father musta been a thief yo, coz he dang stole them stars and put dem in yo eyes, mofo!

Me: Do you ever…. feel like a plastic bag? No? Just a douche one? Sure.

BADABING! Yet another, uh, argument(?) won. Or maybe just a good way to get out of a sticky situation.

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Ok, ok, here’s how it is actually useful. Say you’re at a party, and you see someone you like. However, you can’t, for the life of you, come up with a way to talk to them. It’s simple, just go up to them and… you got it, say,

“Heeeeeyyy yaaaa. Hey yaaaaa~ (Outkast). I’m bringin’ Sexyback, (*cover mouth and make fake echo*YEA!) so Touch My Body coz Do you ever feel like a plastic bag? Coz, y’know, I like wrapping myself in plastic bags.”

If that doesn’t start a conversation, I dunno what will.

PS: I deny any responsibility if any of you are ever arrested.

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But all kidding aside, I’m really lovin the smart-ness of song lyrics nowadays. They’re so deep and smart.

hmmmmm

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No seriously. Lately I’ve really been digging the song “Speak Now” by Taylor Swift. It’s a really nice piece of songwriting. Barring certain lines of lyrics like:

“It seems that I was uninvited by your lovely bride-to-be.”

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*sigh*

I mean, I love TSwift and all, but really, this line seems to fly in the face of logic a little. Just a tad.

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For those of you who don’t know the song, it’s about this girl (apparently Taylor Swift) who goes to the wedding of a guy and tries to stop it because he’s “marrying the wrong girl” and should be marrying HER instead. I’m guessing there was some kind of history between this girl and that groom-to-be.

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Are you starting to see how that line is really a bit redundant right now? Honey, don’t be offended when I say this. That bride has a LOT of reason not to invite you to her wedding. Not only did you spend your whole song insulting her and her entire family, you also stopped her groom from marrying her, thus effectively destroying her wedding. Your description of her included how she was “yelling at a bridesmaid somewhere locked inside a room wearing a gown shaped like a pastry”.. C’mon, it’s her wedding. It probably took her months and months to plan. This is THE day. She’s allowed to go nuts a little. Have you heard of Bridezillas?

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*sigh*. Ok I shall now say Zen and it will magically make me really calm. Despite all the silliness of the lyrics, I still love that song a lot, so I haven’t much to say.  I’m not even very bothered by that line of lyrics at all. It’s just that I feel like I needed to stand up for that poor bride for a bit. I think I’d go cheer her up after her failed wedding.. I mean, she must be very sad and all. So I think I’ll chat to her a little. To loosen her nerves or something. Distract her from the horrendous shame and sadness..

“Do you ever feel like a plastic bag? Yea I bet you do now huh. Lovely dress, btw.”

Wow I’ve been blogging a lot lately. I will stop now. BYE!

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Before I begin this post, I’d like to make a disclaimer that anything you read in this post might or might not be an accurate reflection of me as a person. Events might or might not have happened as described below. Please take the descriptions below with a generous pinch of salt and five-spice powder. In no way am I representing any company when I say the following.
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Today, a sorta colleague of mine mentioned that he thought i’d gained weight. In that really affronting, self-righteous way that really pisses me off. Bearing in mind he’s still a colleague, though, I played nice and said something along the lines of,  “Well, my weighing machine doesn’t say so but I guess your myopic vision and judgmental nature are probably more accurate.” In other words, I smiled and nodded politely, while he went on saying how, “really, you’ve put on weight since you’ve joined us. Really.”

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not me. hehe

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Anyhoo, I thought of the perfect comeback 5 hours later when I was showering. I should have said, “Oh really? My 5 boyfriends and 37 suitors would like to disagree. Really. ”
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While technically he didn’t call me fat, and he could just be mistaking my menstrual bloat for extra weight, I gotta say I still felt offended enough to want to make him PAY. (Ok, really, he’s a nice person.. I don’t interact with him much but still a colleague so yea..)
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So I was lucky that it was actually a nice colleague (sorta) who’d said that to me. What about people who are mean and say things in an attempt to make you feel bad about yourself? Here’s an effective way to turn the tables on them (or at least, in my head, I think it’s an effective way)
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To fight off people who say mean things about you, make them feel as awkward as possible by employing TMI (Too Much Information)

ie
person: you’re gaining weight
you: oh really? my view is still unobstructed enough for me to shave my nether regions.

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person: you’re fat and ugly
you: i still get laid more than you.

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person: i get laid more than you
you: i have less of a chance of contracting STDs than you

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And the list goes on! Basically, think of anything that would make someone uncomfortable and use that to your advantage. Some simple suggestions include bowel movements, STDs, hygiene, sex stories, eating weird things, fetishes, animals and any combination of the above. If you ever need help, ask me. I’m the Queen of TMI, as all my friends probably know by now ><

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Speaking of being accused of being fat, I gotta say, I just LURRRRVE it when people tell me, “You’re not fat, you’re just big-sized!” As if I didn’t know.

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A Stick Insect. Did you know stick insects have tiny tiny weenies? Oh wait, you'd probably know better than I do =X

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Also, the people who have outrightly called me fat (ok, all 2 of them) are, oddly enough, skinny stick insects (really, one of them literally looked like a stick insect. How he ever gets/will get laid is beyond me) who are, imo, in no position to label people “fat” like it’s a bad thing. Gotta tell ya, I’m pretty sure chubby girls are a lot more fun between the sheets (and legs) than bony chicks will be. Like seriously, what are you working with on a skinny chick? Now, (here comes a bit of TMI, be warned) when I, for want of a better word, analyze myself, I realize that my ‘nicer’ parts are the parts with a bit more meat; namely, T&A.. I’ll admit. I want to lose some weight so I’ll look better in clothes (because in Asia, we don’t have sizes 0-10. We have sizes -12 to 0) But when I think of the softness I’ll lose when losing weight, I kinda want to focus my weight loss efforts on those parts that could stand to lose some meat (tummy, maybe).

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Btw, due to the TMI in the above paragraph, I deliberately left it as one whole chunk to make it tougher to read =P Anyhoo, the issue brought up in that paragraph is one that I’ve explored in one of my upcoming pre-written posts so don’t anybody steal my idea now! All it needs are some pictures!

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Ok i’ve ranted a bit and feel better. Off to bed now. Happy Monday everyone. It’s shit indeed. I love you all =D

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