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A recent post of mine talked about being satisfied with Life and being thankful for things which has mostly been my philosophy since I was 19 or so. (Also, please ignore the flippy sentence structures in this post.. Am a bit weird right now) I’ve received some great feedback on that but for some reason, I’m feeling a bit emotional and depressed right now, so bear with me while I expound a little on what is it I think I really want in life.

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My best friend was accepted to a great school for her graduate studies in UK and will probably be going there in September, pending some small issues. While I’ve always been aware of her desire to go for grad studies immediately after graduating from college, I’ve always thought that some time in a full-time working environment was necessary after college before taking up grad studies and so have never really been actively supportive in her search and application process.

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Now that it’s all on track and is happening so soon, I can’t help but wonder if I was right. I stand by my view that some work experience is definitely beneficial, if not essential, to a person’s learning and maturing process. However, it seems that in this day and age, there are certain fields out there in which real working experience is not as essential as it used to be. While some professions and fields definitely continue to place great importance on experience (such as business or sales), others seem to be more lenient and are willing to accept what I would call in-lieu experience.. Meaning things that were done on the side, or during school, that did not come under a respectable organization etc…

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And the thing is, the jobs i’m looking for (technically) are jobs that fall into the latter category. I’ve wanted to be a writer for the longest time ever and my interest in all things Hollywood and Fashion have made me pine for the glamorous, glossy world that’s situated halfway around the world. Jobs at those places are pretty hard to come by, I’m guessing, but there SEEM to be lots of similar jobs on Monster, Craigslist etc… Don’t ask me why I’m not trying for these jobs in Singapore. The media market is sooooo saturated that it doesn’t even make sense to try. I’ve also heard some nasty things about working for either one of only 2 media companies in Singapore, so…

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I’ve always toyed with the idea of going for grad studies after a year or two of work, and have been researching which schools would be good to go to. On my list are Northwestern, Columbia and NYU.. No surprises there. I miss being in school, living on my own, making new friends practically everywhere, waking up late and all. Knowing that my friend is going to have all that for a whole year is making me extremely envious and probably a bit jealous.

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Those of you who advocate grabbing life by the balls would probably yell at me now to get off my ass and go for what I want – be it grad studies or an internship at a fashion/celebrity magazine. And yes, it’s true, I could probably try harder to do it, especially since I do have a lot more to show of my various writing experiences and all… Yet, the job I’m in now, being a wonderful job with great colleagues, excellent growth potential and location, is a chance that I don’t want to lose just because I want to try something that I’ve always envisioned myself doing. I’m pretty much committed to my job for a really long-term right now – there’s so much to learn, see and achieve.

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Problem is, the things I’m doing at my current job would not be relevant to the path I want to take – editorial/publishing/writing/fashion or entertainment commentary/media presenting (dj, host etc). Something that would be more relevant to my job would probably be taking up an MBA course or perhaps even Law or Finance.

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It’s a huge conflict to me because while the two aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive, they’re pretty much as different as, well, cookies and cakes. Both taste great, both are awesome comfort food, both take lots of care and concern to make. Yet one is soft and one is hard. One’s more filling and one’s more of a snack. In the same way, my current job, like the cake, is the more substantial and filling one, while the things I would want to do are the ones that are probably less stable with less returns (in terms of pay etc).  Both would make me happy, both are exciting and both require dedication and commitment.

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What would you do in such a situation? I don’t foresee myself quitting my job anytime in the near future unless something terrible or awesome crops up (i.e. I find out that I have absolutely zero development opportunities in my job OR I get offered something amazing that will change my life – like being talent scouted or offered a job to write for uh the Ellen show or something) Yet, I would still like to try for that life that I want.

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Ok my brain is doing breakdance right now. I’m so swamped with thoughts that I can’t even hold my head up. I still have so many more things to say but I don’t know how to properly organize those thoughts. I’m gonna say one last thing now and then leave. I really kinda want to be a successful singer, but that seems so impractical. Someone discover me please (or y’know I’ll have to wait till I make a demo tape and send it all over). GAH. A’ight this has been a tough post to read so good on you. Ciao guys and take care. BYE.

We want the lapdance

If we were all truly honest with ourselves, we’d recognize that all of us somehow hope that good things in life would simply fall onto our laps, kinda like a lapdance of all the things we want. Sadly, this only happens for all of 1% of the people in the world (I USED A STATISTIC! I am (in)credible!!) so the remaining 99% of us are.. fucked..?

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This is a graph. I am ultimate winzez.

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Just over the past few days/weeks, I’ve had random bouts of contemplation, thinking about what my life COULD be. It seems there are two lives for everyone – the life they COULD be leading, and the life they actually lead. I think about the former often enough, and in that life, everything seems perfect and wonderful and I’d wonder why the hell am I not leading that life.

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I’d always think that if I really tried, I could be doing everything I wanted to. Be a fashion magazine editor, work in an upscale environment (maybe New York? =)), see important people everyday, mingle with VIPs, become a world-famous singer, model (no thanks to my recent ANTM marathons), actress, Broadway star, etc..! Yet despite having all these dreams, I have never actively tried to achieve them. I’m simply sitting around, making the slightest effort to perform, search for opportunities, then sit around waiting for Life to perform its lapdance for me. There isn’t enough of the carpe diem mentality in me to prod me to do better. Secretly, I wish someone who knows me will find me some amazing opportunity and recommend me to try it and tra~la! My amazing journey will begin!

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"Thank you Lord, for mommy and daddy.."

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Count your blessings..

Granted, many would argue that the life I lead now is pretty perfect in many ways already, and I agree. In many ways my life is extraordinary and there are so many blessings to give thanks for. I also know that there are many MANY people out there who wish to live my life (oh trust me, I know) and oh how they get on my nerves lol. It is probably this knowledge that makes me so content to sit on my ass and be happy with the life I’m leading.

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As I’ve been discussing with a friend the past few days, I believe I have a pretty strong coping mechanism that helps me get over rough times pretty well. Because of this, I find myself very thankful most of the time and not really in a situation where i “want” a lot. This mentality and ability to give thanks is one of the reasons why I’m not leading an even more fulfilling life.

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Afraid to try

Another reason why we don’t go all out to go for the life we want is that we’re afraid of trying and then failing. At least, that’s probably true for me. I’m afraid of or discouraged by failing. When I don’t get a response after trying, I get discouraged and disheartened. I slowly lose hope and my coping mechanism turns itself on (not that way!), helping me feel better about my life at its present situation.

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And so, thanks to all this and the recent revelation that there’s a lot more I want from life, I’m starting to feel kinda stuck in a rut. I’ve had so many wild ideas that I’ve been “sure will get me noticed and rocket me to fame and fortune”.. What crazy dreams and wild fantasies I’ve entertained of going to The Ellen Show and getting talent spotted (for I dunno, picking my nose or amazing breathing skillZ)… Or of running into Tyra Banks on the streets while strutting my stuff (yea when she’s in Singapore of course)..

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I know I should tell myself to stop waiting for the lapdance and just grab my chances by the balls (what an amazing metaphor this is turning out to be) but it feels so impossible to me that I don’t even want to try..! What do you think? Have you ever regretted not trying anything? Is it better to have given it your best than to sit around wondering what could have been? The answer seems to be “YES” but it’s a lot easier said than done.

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Maybe I’m just plain lazy. Ohwells. Also, I know I spelt “lap dance” as “lapdance” throughout. It was deliberate. Sssh. CIAO ALL and till the next time, take care =)

PS: Special mention to Yarn, for her awesome interpretation of the gibberish in my MSN nickname. It was simply AWESOME.

To make up for it (I hope) here’s a nice vlog entry! =) Appeased? heh

love y’all. stay tuned for more blog and let me know if I shd keep blogging/vlogging!

Merry Christmas to you from your Snark Secret Santa =) I must say, it was really difficult to come up with an idea for something for you (via the online option) because I don’t know you that well personally and you don’t have a blog that I know of, so I can’t read it to see what you like/dislike!

My query through Emma returned the information that you like the color blue and penguins..  You also said you love to read. So what I tried to do was look for pictures of blue penguins to create some kinda graphic for you (fansign ftw?). I chanced upon one when I was traveling recently and took a quick snapshot of it..

outside a store in Penang, Malaysia

However, my graphic skillz are teh shitz imho so I wasn’t very keen on that idea.. I wanted to write something for you (since that’s something i’m kinda good at) but I wasn’t too sure what I should write since I didn’t really know what genre of writing you’d prefer. I could ask Emma to ask ya, but that would kinda give the game away so..

I looked through your posts on Snark and decided to write a poem/rap/song/whatever using quotes from your Snarkposts. I call it the NicoleSnarkPostQuoteSong. (or, even more awesomely, “I’m Guilty of buying Apples that are Already Sliced”)

” I’m guilty of buying apples that are already sliced

I didn’t understand what the dissolve meant

I’d really like to know if the Wii Fit

actually helps you get in shape

I would like to see those kids kicking and screaming

over a flame of fire, completely defenseless!

I had no idea painted shells were bad for them!

It’s been 2009 for 9 minutes and doesn’t feel different =(

My grandma gave me the most awesomest gift ever, a Wii.

I named him Waldo Wii

Poor alien, it looks so sad

My mom’s amazing sugar cookies”

Yea.. I’m not sure if it makes much sense but hey, hopefully it brings back memories of all your fun posts on Snark =) Try rapping it, seriously. It sounds pretty cool. I’d put up a sound file of me rapping it but I’m embarassed lol.

Now I understand you have a website called luminosity.nu but it doesn’t seem to be working/active so if you ever need space/hosting, let me know and I can definitely offer it.

Also, just for you, this entire entry was typed in various shades of blue, seeing as you love it =) On top of that, I’ve found a series of images of blue penguins and other random pretty blue pictures and here’s a slew of them for your enjoyment!

a blue penguin!

another one! though it's a stuffed toy

ooh cute!!

a random, pretty, blue wallpaper! =) it's 1024X768

I have to clarify/disclaim, though that the above images were all the result of a simple google search.. None of the images (except the very first one from outside the store in Penang) belong to me.  I would have made a nice blend/wallpaper/fAnsIgN for ya but I seriously doubt my graphic skillz right now.

Anyhows, I hope you’ve liked this small little gift. Technically it’s supposed to be a little tribute to you, oh awesome user of Snark by the name of Nicole. Yea, pretty much. MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS. May this festive season bring you and your loved ones peace, hope, love and joy. Have a blessed Christmas =)

Love,

chervalier

Val’s birthday is 10 days before mine, making her slightly more than a week older than me.. But she acts like she’s YEARS older than me most of the time =Pp Hehe. Anyhoo, val’s given me some amazing gifts or thrown me some pretty awesome parties for my previous birthdays, more notably a huge, BEAUTIFUL scrapbook of our escapades together when I was 19 and a precious stone necklace when I was 21, amongst others..

I, on the other hand, have written her a play (and made our friends perform it for her while she enjoyed a “posh” meal lol) and bought her something special for her 18th and bought her a Coach wallet for her 21st.. So I guess you can say we’re pretty good at the gift giving.. This year, I wanted to prove to her that I could make pretty stuff too! Heh (since it’s a common misconception that I suck at crafts.. =Pp) so initially I wanted to make her a scrapbook of our recent trip to UK and Berlin..

That, however, proved to be too tedious since I couldn’t even make up my mind about what pictures to use.. I soon came up with the idea of creating a Seduction Kit for her (yea we’re funky like that) so I went about getting materials and thinking what should go in it.. Here is the MAKING OF the seduction kit for my best friend’s 22nd birthday present!

The beautiful box =)

Inside the box

I couldn’t find proper packing cotton anywhere so I bought cotton balls and shredded them myself!

Gah, they look wormy..

Pretty!! =)

2 layers of pink paper +cotton wool!

things that go inside… body lotions etc.. haha

some people say guava is erotic..!

in they go!

pretty!! =)

lots of shredded cotton wool!

sexay boaaa

mmm added more stuff.. can u see the stuff?? hehe

lookin lovely and sexay =)

i love the naughty book in it =)

On to the card!!

card! starting out the innocent-looking front =)

ribbon on top of ribbon! haha. to cover the bottom ribbon's ugliness..

my scrapbooking material!! (some of them.. haha) pretty!!!

pretty button thing!

very innocent-looking front of card =)))

close-up of childish word decoration.. haha

mmmm the inside... =) starting out.. (you can see i have a thing for ribbons haha)

my handwriting is notoriously ugly so... i tried.. haha

close-up.. you can still see pencil marks! oh and "become a sex kitten" =Pp

HAWTT

contents of seduction kit! =)

okay i admit this part is ugly. lol

my messy table after all the work..

almost done.. small piece of white paper for a note =)

Inside the seduction kit:

1) Soft layers of pink pretty paper and cotton wool

2) Body lotion, shower gel, lip butter, all guava scented =)

3) DVD of the hottest seduction songs on this planet including the best of Marvin Gaye, Je T’aime Non Plus, and others..

4) A little book (=P)

5) Sexy red feather boa (use your imagination)

6) Pretty card!!

So, what do you think? Like the gift? Heh. Val liked it. I took her to a pretty fancy restaurant for dinner too =) We all had a blast. See more pictures here (facebook album) ..! =)

So do you guys like it? =)

Anyhoo, I’m back (sort of) and with a huge rant to boot! (Yea or else I wouldn’t have come back so soon lol)

stupid annoying phone calls!!!

So I don’t know about you guys but I get these really annoying calls from people I don’t want to hear from..

1) Telemarketers

2) Wrong number

3) People looking for my mom (coz my number used to be hers)

These are spread out over my landline and my cell.. It’s becoming really annoying because I’d be sleeping or doing something important (like playing an intense computer game!!)  and my phone will ring and sometimes I rush to answer the phone because I think it might be a prospective employer calling about a job!

Sometimes I even hurt myself in trying to get to my phone.. (Ok maybe not that serious seeing as I generally tend to leave my phone unattended somewhere in my house and just let it ring… )

Anyways, the number of such calls have increased in frequency to the point where I’m more or less awoken everyday but a random unwelcome call!

And you know what’s even more annoying? People who call and go, “Hello? Is XXX there?” Then when I tell them NO, and that they’ve got the wrong number, they go, “Where is this place?”

WTF. WHY  ON EARH DO YOU CARE? I ALREADY TOLD YOU IT’S THE WRONG NUMBER. Geez!

One of the calls was even weirder.. The person called and asked, “Where is this place?” and I was thinking, if you don’t know why the EFF are you calling? Another time this other person called and said someone called from my home number and he’s returning the call… IMPOSSIBLE. Why? BECAUSE MY HOME PHONE NUMBER IS PRIVATELY LISTED AND WILL NOT SHOW UP EVEN ON A “MISSED CALL” CALLER ID!!!!! Fucktard!!

GO AWAYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man this shit is driving me NUTS. There’s more to rant about but my blood is boiling so violently that I can’t even type properly.  Grr. Have you guys got any suggestions? Or similar experiences? Do share!!!

(Note to self (and all you eager readers out there): next post to be about different levels of attraction =))

WARNING: DO NOT LINK THIS BLOG ANYWHERE (yet)

thanks and please leave your comments!